kindly help me review my T2 essay thank you

[KenAdelaide]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?


A number of educationists state that starting to learn another language at primary school benefits children more than in junior school. Some people claim that there are several advantages of developing children’s bilingual skills in their early stage, including kids would have more time to master the other language. On the other hand, others suggest that it would bring a heavy burden on top of children’s compulsory education.

The benefit of beginning to study a foreign language before ten years old for a child is obvious, where it gives him or her much more time to practice than those who start later. Using a new language as often as possible is usually considered to be the best method to fluently speak, read and write it. Therefore, having more time to exercise could help children become an excellent user at an early age.

However, it would add extensive workload to children. Studying a new language involves speaking, listening, writing and reading, meaning they would have to spend time practising every skill in parallel with their studies at primary school. In addition, some children may even have difficulty completing their daily homework, thus, requiring them to learn a new language could have negatively impact on their maths and literacy grades.

In conclusion, after careful consideration, although studying a new language at primary school age allows children to have more time practising, it could adversely affect their learning on compulsory courses by adding extra workload. In the worst case, they would fail those courses and be required to repeat them in the next year. Hence, it is recommended for children to develop their bilingual skills at secondary school as the drawback outweigh the benefit significantly.

-------------------------------------------------
Thank you for your kind help

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

There's an obvious problem with this essay - and it's BIG! You haven't mentioned secondary school in your main paragraphs (aside from 'later'). Then, in your conclusion, you state that children will have less of a workload than at primary school. I'm going to need some serious evidence of that, because I've never known anyone who has been in that situation.

Another problem is that many primary school children around the world actually do find the time to learn a second language at school, often in poorly-equipped schools, such as in Africa.

Grammar is very good, which is weird for such a poor answer. I'm sensing a grammar checker or significantly more than 40 minutes were spent on this task.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?


A number of educationists state that starting to learn another language at primary school benefits children more than beginning to learn another language in junior high school. Some people claim that there are several advantages of developing a child's bilingual skills in their early stage, including having more time to master the other language. On the other hand, others suggest that it would place a heavy burden on top of children's compulsory education.

The benefit of beginning to study a foreign language before turning ten years old is obvious, as it gives him or her much more time to practice than those who start later. Using a new language as often as possible is usually considered to be the best method to learn how to fluently speak, read and write. Therefore, having more time to exercise could help children become an excellent user at an early age.

However, it would add extensive workload to the children. Studying a new language involves speaking, listening, writing and reading, meaning they would have to spend time practicing every skill in parallel with their studies at primary school. In addition, some children may even have difficulty completing their daily homework, thus, requiring them to learn a new language could have a negative impact on their maths and literacy grades.

In conclusion, after careful consideration, although studying a new language at primary school allows children to have more time to practice, it could adversely affect their learning on compulsory courses by adding extra workload. In the worst case, they would fail those courses and be required to repeat them the following year. Hence, it is recommended for children to develop their bilingual skills at secondary school as the drawbacks outweigh the benefits significantly.