Please can you check my W T2

[insaf]

Nowadays some children are showing less respect for adults than in the past.
What is the cause of this problem?
What can be done ?

It used to be rare to see children misbehave towards adults. Unfortunately, times have changed. There are more chances now, where ever you are, to find children being rude, unrespectful to grown-ups.

Children become disrespectful to adults mainly because they do not spend enough time with their parents to teach them how to behave. Parents are the source of moral values which the children need to grow up as polite adults. Nowadays, more parents choose or forced to work to cover the increasing life expenditure. As a result, serious behavioural changes, which were not seen in the past, appeared in the new generations, as being rude to grown-ups.


There are several steps which can be taken to ensure that the new generations respect adults. Firstly, parents should start to teach their children what is the basics of politeness and good conversation skills at an early age. For instance, children should refer to adults by their titles and it is up to them to give permission to be called by their first names. Secondly, parents should act as role models. Children usually copy what their parents do not what they say they must do. By being polite to elderly and adults as a parent, in front of children, they will for sure do the same. Finally using positive reinforcement when children acted nicely with adults. For example, if the kids acted properly in front of adults, parents could tell them how proud they are of them.


To conclude, lack of parents guidance is behind most of the misbehaving attitude of children. However, there are many measures which can be taken to tackle this issue.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

In your first main paragraph, you make an apparently small mistake that is actually very significant. You state that "Parents are the source of moral values ..." Your use of 'the' means that parents are the ONLY source. Is that really true? Teachers? Grandparents? Friends? Social media?

This then continues throughout the essay, as you only focus on parents. It's a very limited argument and your solutions - that parents should teach their kids earlier, use positive reinforcement and act as role models - are easily dismissed when we go back to your point about work. If the parents are working so much, how are they going to do these things effectively?

Grammar is good, but vocabulary is not used effectively to create a good argument. So many other influences have not been mentioned at all!

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Nowadays some children are showing less respect for adults than in the past.
What is the cause of this problem?
What can be done ?

It used to be rare to see children misbehave towards adults. Unfortunately, times have changed. There are more chances now, wherever you are, to find children being rude or disrespectful to grown-ups.

Children become disrespectful to adults mainly because they do not spend enough time with their parents to learn how to behave. Parents are a source of moral values which the children need to grow up as polite adults. Nowadays, more parents choose or are forced to work to cover the increasing life expenditure.(<--What is life expenditure?) As a result, serious behavioural changes, which were not seen in the past, have appeared in the new generations, including being rude to grown-ups.


There are several steps which can be taken to ensure that the new generations respect adults. Firstly, parents should start to teach their children the basics of politeness and good conversation skills at an early age. For instance, children should refer to adults by their titles, and it is up to the adults to give permission to be called by their first names. Secondly, parents should act as role models. Children usually copy what their parents do, not what they say they must do. By being polite to elders and adults as a parent, in front of children, they will do the same. Finally, using positive reinforcement when children behave nicely with adults. For example, if the kids acted properly in front of adults, parents could tell them how proud they are of them.


To conclude, lack of parental guidance is behind much of the misbehaving attitude of children. However, there are many measures which can be taken to tackle this issue.