please review my GT task 2- Appreciate

[DJvj]

Topic :-
It is argued that getting married before finishing school or getting a job is not a good choice. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Marriage is an integral component of human society. However, it is essential that an individual has stability in terms of personally and financially before he decides to marry. While some people think that getting married before completing school or job is correct. However,there are few opponents of this idea.In this essay, I shall be explaining the potential negative impacts of the early marriage before making a career, followed by supporting arguments and with a reasoned conclusion.

There are numerous reasons why early marriage is not recommended. Firstly, it would lead to financial instability. This could cause many health hazards like depression due to immense pressure from the society and even spoil the relationship . For instance, a person getting married earlier should dependent on his parents saving for the family survival.

Another reason is, a person may not be able to spend quality time with his family in order to attain his goals. This could serve as a distraction in his current tasks. For instance, a person who is pursuing higher studies needs to be more focused and at the same time manage his family responsibilities.

To conclude, I firmly believe that one should not marry until he is ready for the responsibility. A smart planning can effectively help in a healthier relationship between partners.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

First of all, regular readers of my posts will already note that the introduction is longer than the main paragraphs - which is an instant 'Red Alert!'

Let's just jump into the first main paragraph by noting that early marriage does not lead to financial instability! If both people are just starting work (or if they have just inherited a load of cash!) this is simply untrue.

Then, we must note that many marriages between rich people are unsuccessful. Hello Hollywood! We're talking about you!

Why should parents pay for the newly-weds?

In the second paragraph, you refer to family, but it's not clear what you mean ... or who you mean - spouse or parents?

In the conclusion, who decides when a person is ready? You mention some mental issues in the essay, so do you mean that a psychiatrist should decide?

Unsurprisingly, I'm going to say that this essay is weak. The arguments are unclear at best, and untrue in all cases and possibly in most cases.

Grammar is quite accurate, but the lack of attention to things such as modals makes the essay as a whole hard to comprehend. Similarly, vocabulary is not used to create a coherent argument.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Topic :-
It is argued that getting married before finishing school or getting a job is not a good choice. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

****************
Marriage is an integral component of human society. However, it is essential that an individual has stability, both personally and financially, before he decides to marry. Some people think that getting married before completing school or finding a job is perfectly acceptable. However, there are a few opponents of this idea. In this essay, I shall be explaining the potential negative impacts of an early marriage before building a career, followed by supporting arguments and with a reasoned conclusion.

There are numerous reasons why an early marriage is not recommended. Firstly, it could lead to financial instability. This could cause many health hazards like depression due to immense pressure from the society, and might even spoil the relationship. For instance, a person getting married earlier may be dependent on his parents' income for the family survival.

Another reason is, a person may not be able to spend quality time with his family in order to attain his goals.(<--Your meaning is unclear. What goals? Money? A career? A happy family?) This could serve as a distraction in his current tasks.(<--What could serve as a distraction. Again, the meaning is not clear.) For instance, a person who is pursuing higher studies needs to be more focused and at the same time manage his family responsibilities.

To conclude, I firmly believe that one should not marry until he is ready for the responsibility. Smart planning can effectively help in a healthier relationship between partners.