please help me with my essay.

[crissy80]

Cultural tourism, in which people travel in order to visit museums, monuments and archaeological sites among other things, is a growing industry. Having so many visitors may sometimes benefit a nations’s cultural heritage, but it can also cause problems.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

The industry of tourism, cultural to be specific, has shown a tremendous growth over the past few decades. It can all be attributed with the numerous places that people can go to, which range from different museums, old buildings, archaeological sites and monuments, which had been developed and preserved to be tourist attractions. However, this increase popularity in cultural tourism is feared by many to result negatively, which can damage a nation’s heritage in the future. Nevertheless, it is argued that the growing industry of cultural tourism have more advantages than drawbacks. It will be proven by musing on how it can encourage open mindedness and creativity among people.

First, let us look at how people can be more understanding through cultural tourism. It is known that visiting places that are rich in history will help someone learn about the heritage of the country he or she is visiting. Learning about the past of other people will help us to be less judgemental: we will have an idea of why people behave the way they do. Being equipped with knowledge of other’s traditions and culture will open our minds to the diversity of people, which will in turn make us better people.

Furthermore, it can promote creativity. Take for example photography. The growth in talented unprofessional photographers is on the rise nowadays, and, part of it, is a result of beautiful sceneries that cultural tourism provides: it is a norm that people take pictures of the places they visit as a souvenir. The rise in tourism resulted in more opportunities for ordinary people to take beautiful photographs; consequently it opens their creative passion on photography.

In conclusion, it is believed that the cultural tourism industry’s growth has more benefits, and it should be supported. However, cautions on protecting it from being exposed inappropriately should be observed by all inhabitants.

[bunni015]

Hey crissy,

You also bag good vocabulary . I am not expert in pointing grammatical errors . But your writing has given a good insight about how cultural visits can benefit to one's own country.

Regards
Bunni015

[Tina]

It has nice structure and concept is clear to me . well done . of course , there is always a scope of improvement .

[crissy80]

Thanks buni and tina. I wrote this a long time ago and I did not bother to check it for errors. I actually don't think that my supporting ideas were strong enough. Now that I am reading it again, I think I used "which" too much ,and, sometimes, inappropriately. I also failed on the parallelism aspect - "It can all be attributed with the numerous places that people can go to, which range from different museums, old buildings, archaeological sites and monuments" - i should have not just used "monuments" because it is not parallel with the other items on my list. It's really hard to look for errors especially on your own work, but it is really essential.