Please review my writing academics task 2

[meharunnisa]

Write about the following topic.

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.

Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Control over Private Transportation
In 1988 the first car appeared on British roads,which was a good initiative leading towards independence while travelling on roads. Studies have shown that by the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.This acted as a red alert to the law makers and raised a question whether alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and there should be an introduction of international law on control of car ownership and use.

The concept of introducing an international law on control of car ownership and use indicates to be a good decision as traffic is controlled, socialization is developed, cheaper compared to private vehicles; rate of pollution is less, increase in savings and less energy consumption. Whereas, privatization of vehicles leads to issues like traffic jams, parking issues at home as well as in public places, etc.,

With alternative forms of transport like public transports buses, trains and tramps these help roads to be free from traffic. Which in turn helps emergency vehicles like ambulance, police cars etc., to reach its destination to the earliest. Using public transports creates a space in people to interact with strangers coming from different communities which gives rise to feeling of oneness. Hence, opens a pathway to remove the stigma of racism and builds trust, confidence and familiarization with each other.

Public transports are affordable and cheaper when compared to private vehicles like car. If we are an owner of a car this means we have to maintain our vehicle with timely services, filling gar or petrol whether you use it regularly or no. Whereas, with public transport we have to pay a minimal amount of fare and reach our destination hassle free.

Therefore, the above mentioned reasons strongly recommend me to agree with the concept of introducing an international law on control of car ownership and its use.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, I think that this is a good essay. The points are clear enough, but need more development, such as how difficult if might be to introduce international laws and how to convince people to use public transport.

I know that these features are not directly required by the question, but they are required in order to create an essay grounded in reality rather than fantasy. I mean, if the benefits are as clear as you claim, why aren't these things already being done?

Grammar and vocabulary are good. There are mistakes, but they do not affect meaning.

All the best,
David

[meharunnisa]

Hello David,

Thank you for your review. what band do you think this essay would get. As this was my first attempt, will definitely improvise with your feedback in upcoming essays. kindly guide me through this process.

Thanks & Regards,
Mehar