Pls check my essay ! Whether the structure is good. Looking forward to receiving your feedback !!!
Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:28 pm
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Pls check my essay ! Whether the structure is good. Looking forward to receiving your feedback !!!
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Re: Pls check my essay ! Whether the structure is good. Looking forward to receiving your feedback !!!
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2017 12:01 pm
Hello!
Overall, a reasonable essay. There are plenty of grammatical errors, but the range is reasonable and the essay can be understood.
However, your points are not well-developed. The points are valid, as far as I'm concerned, but you don't do well at distinguishing which are more likely (in your opinion) than others and why. For example, you say that kids spend 'adequate' time in school. What does that mean? If they also spend 'adequate' time at home, but watch TV, does that have the same effect? What about other school subjects?
All the best,
David
Overall, a reasonable essay. There are plenty of grammatical errors, but the range is reasonable and the essay can be understood.
However, your points are not well-developed. The points are valid, as far as I'm concerned, but you don't do well at distinguishing which are more likely (in your opinion) than others and why. For example, you say that kids spend 'adequate' time in school. What does that mean? If they also spend 'adequate' time at home, but watch TV, does that have the same effect? What about other school subjects?
All the best,
David
Re: Pls check my essay ! Whether the structure is good. Looking forward to receiving your feedback !!!
Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:49 pm
David.IELTS.Examiner wrote:Hello!
Overall, a reasonable essay. There are plenty of grammatical errors, but the range is reasonable and the essay can be understood.
However, your points are not well-developed. The points are valid, as far as I'm concerned, but you don't do well at distinguishing which are more likely (in your opinion) than others and why. For example, you say that kids spend 'adequate' time in school. What does that mean? If they also spend 'adequate' time at home, but watch TV, does that have the same effect? What about other school subjects?
All the best,
David
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Re: Pls check my essay ! Whether the structure is good. Looking forward to receiving your feedback !!!
Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:52 pm
wangyue6662010 wrote:David.IELTS.Examiner wrote:Hello!
Overall, a reasonable essay. There are plenty of grammatical errors, but the range is reasonable and the essay can be understood.
However, your points are not well-developed. The points are valid, as far as I'm concerned, but you don't do well at distinguishing which are more likely (in your opinion) than others and why. For example, you say that kids spend 'adequate' time in school. What does that mean? If they also spend 'adequate' time at home, but watch TV, does that have the same effect? What about other school subjects?
All the best,
David
Thanks, David. Yes, I also almost got why my writing is unclear by my recent studies. I will show better essay with good structure at next topic's writing. Again, I appreciate your feedback.
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