Ielts writing task 2 Can anyone evaluate this essay for me? please

[drjanck]

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.
Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Every person is born with some innate traits which affect on personality and development, rather than lessons learnt through the life. I believe that, the characteristics are vital for the formation of the character of human.
Firstly, humans are considered to be the most superior of all the living beings. Each member of society is born with unique feature which differentiate from others such as, loving, introvert, extrovert. The prime example of this is Mother Teresa she was also born in a normal family, but the perception of pain what she experienced of poor and diseased patients is incomparable to anyone else. Therefore, this loving and helpful nature was embedded, which made her personality to develop and stand out of crowd. This sets an example of her qualities even if acquired by others will not serve the same way as Mother Teresa did.
Secondly, every individual face hardship in some point of life,to deal with this situation confidence is the vital component. Although, everyone has this in bound, but the outcome is only visible after experiencing the method of overcoming the hurdles. For example when a child starts his nursery school, some children can settle down at ease, but some find hard to settle in new environment. Furthermore, when these children develop confidence over the new surrounding they then find easy to get settled. However, confidence can be boosted up through the experiences and failures faced. Confidence helps to create the personality.
In conclusion, inborn characteristics act more prominent than the acquired quality to have a major influence on developing personality.

[Flick]

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.
Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Every person is born with some innate traits which affect personality and development more than lessons learnt through life. I believe that the characteristics are vital for the formation of the character of human.(<--I don't understand this sentence. What characteristics?)

Firstly, humans are considered to be the most superior of all living beings. Each member of society is born with unique features which differentiate from others such as being loving, being an introvert or an extrovert, etc. The prime example of this is Mother Teresa. She was born into a normal family, but the perception of pain that she experienced of poor and diseased patients was incomparable to anyone else. Therefore, this loving and helpful nature was embedded, which made her personality develop and stand out from the crowd. This sets an example of her qualities that, even if acquired by others, will not serve the same way as Mother Teresa did.

Secondly, every individual faces hardship in some point of life. To deal with this situation, confidence is a vital component. Although, everyone has this in bounds, the outcome is only visible after experiencing the method of overcoming the hurdles.(<--I don't understand your meaning.) For example, when a child starts his nursery school, some children can settle down easily, but some find it hard to settle into this new environment. Furthermore, when these children develop confidence in the new surroundings, they then find it easy to get settled. However, confidence can be boosted through the experiences and failures faced. Confidence helps to create the personality.

In conclusion, innate characteristics are more prominent than acquired characteristics, and have a major influence on developing personality.