Task 2. Environment topic. Please evaluate

[HelenSun]

Your valueable feedback is needed regarding vocabulary range, grammar, response understanding and etc. I would highly appreciate it. If it is possible please approximately estimate what IELTS score it is.

Question:
Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there to this problem.

Response:

In the recent years, it is more and more observed a trend to the gradual rise in temperature of climate around the world. In scientific world, this phenomenon is known as global warming. It is felt that the main precursors to this matter are emitting of greenhouse gases into the environment from industry and transport using internal combustion engine. In this essay, it will be reviewed these reasons and possible solutions to tackle this problem.

Firstly, it is believed that one of the main causes to global warming can be carbon emissions thrown up into atmosphere in the result of fossil fuel combusting in industry. To counter this, it is suggested to shift from traditional form of energy to renewable one and apply it in manufacturing. According to well-known website Wikipedia, successful attempts in this direction have been made in some developed countries, such as USA and Australia. Among the most popular sources of generating such form of energy in these countries are solar power stations and wind turbines. As this example shows, the effectiveness of that suggested approach can be seen.

Secondly, it is argued that carbon emissions emitted in consequence of combustion engine working can led to global warming. To overcome this issue, it is proposed to replace such engine by alternative electric one in any transport. Japan, for example, has already implemented this idea by successfully producing and widely using such type of transportation, namely electromobiles. As practice of Japan shows, introducing of electromobiles can be effective way to reduce harmful emissions and consequently, prevent from global warming.

In conclusion, introducing of renewable form of energy in industry and electric engine for vehicle are effective solutions to decline greenhouse gases emissions which cause global warming. Hence, it is highly hoped that these strategies will be apply everywhere in the world in the foreseeable future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

There are a few obvious problems with the arguments presented in this essay.
1. Essentially, the two points are the same.
2. You say 'the effectiveness of that suggested approach can be seen' but then ... nothing! What effectiveness? Global warming has not been reversed, according to the climate change lobby, so ...
3. A quick check on the internet* shows that there are 150,000 electric cars in Japan ... and over 60 million normal cars. What are you writing about?

Grammar and vocabulary are good. Any mistakes are minimal and do not change meaning too much.

All the best,
David

* I really wish other people would actually do this!

[HelenSun]

Hello David,

Thank you very much for your feedback.

[HelenSun]

thanks