Please assess my writing task 2 and give some feedback. I will be profoundly grateful for you support.

[altinbek11]

In some country young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies.
What do you think are the cause of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

It is evident that youngsters have little time to spend on their personal life due to the academic work, which demands much effort and time. This is mainly because of a school curriculum, which holds students under high pressure, and assessment system of schools. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with this problem.
Perhaps the largest problem is the issue of an inadequate school curriculum because its syllabus incorporates only academic and theoretical aspects of subjects, which difficult for students to assimilate the knowledge. A second issue is the rote-learning, which dominated in many schools, demands students spend more time at lecture rooms, in a result of that students are exhausted mentally and physically. Finally, we must consider the issue of an exam based assessment system that forces students to read a lot of things unconsciously or without any enthusiasm. These would result in a drop in academic achievement and personal life of students.
Turning to possible solutions, one way to tackle this is to enhance the autonomous learning with a regular advice of scholars and under the supervision of teachers which will hopefully ensure them more satisfaction and help to discover their own world. A further step would be a continuous assessment system in schools and encouraging students participating social events or implement some projects that linked to their studies. By doing this, it will help them introduce labour market and socialise themselves, most importantly they would have a chance to combine their theoretical knowledge with the real world.
In conclusion, an autonomous learning style and a continuous assessment would give a chance to students to discover their own realm of interests as well as promote the academic achievement.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You haven't really explained how your solutions will mean less work (or less demanding work) for students.

Grammar is quite good - nice range and accuracy - but vocabulary isn't really used effectively to answer the question.

In fact, it could be argued that all the extra project work and activities could increase student workload.

All the best,
David