writing task 2, kindly evaluate this essay.

[dinosaur2007]

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

No one can deny the significance of education in our lives whether it is high school or tertiary education. On the one hand, some people claim that university education is a must to find the best employment opportunity. On the other hand, others emphasize the importance of possessing some skills and gaining some relevant experiences. This essay will discuss both opinions before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

Higher education is thought by some people to be the sole determinant of the person’s ability to get entry-level jobs where they can be promoted after years of experience. This can be attributed to the fact that many employers seek candidates with specific educational criteria to fulfil their needs. The perfect illustration to this is the medical professions, where no one can be hired as a doctor without a certificate that qualifies him to practice that particular sensitive job. This example is likely to be a plausible justification to their point of view.

Nevertheless, a contrasting opinion evolved reckoning that relevant experiences and skills are heralded as the cornerstone controlling the employment procedure. This is most evident in professions where hand skills are involved such as tailors and chefs. These kinds of work when required, employers do not pay attention to the applicant’s qualifications, but rather to the previous experiences in that specific field which is more likely to yield positive impact on the company’s industry. Thus, that is why some people point out the importance of such skills in terms of recruiting new workers.

All in all, after analyzing the above-mentioned different points of view, it can be concluded that both of these factors may be equally important where tertiary education is essential for getting certain jobs that need licensure while skills and experiences are considered valuable when trying to apply for jobs of a different nature.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good essay. The example of chef is not true in some countries, but is true in many. (In the UK, for instance, you need certain certificates to be a chef.)

I would suggest some more detail. Why does a marketing manager need qualifications, for example?

Vocabulary and grammar are good, despite some errors which do not generally interfere with meaning.

All the best,
David