please correct my essay, task2 (academic)

[sami83]

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?[/color]

It is generally accepted that working and studying educational subjects is two sides of the same coin. Studying along with working brings impressive progress if starts from at the beginning of youth. Personally, I tend to agree with this opinion.
Many types of subjects that have been learnt by young people at schools have a high theory content without empirical study support. No one can deny that in such cases a huge of amount extra data have forgotten over the ages. For example as with myself experience, I should say that there were many curricula we had to memorize; some of their content were not practical such as religion, geography, Arabic as well as history. Today I forgot most of them. So, it may be better removed useless subjects and reduce syllabi without suitable content in order to incorporate working hours as part of their education.
Studying on the side working is of some advantages. Firstly, both with together prepare pupils for future career. Taking the time at working is an appropriate opportunity to discover their potential and talent for rest of life. Secondly, thinking about which job is suitable prevent from wasting money and time. For this reason, it is important that they work in areas they like. Thirdly, understanding the word of work increase teenager's responsibility. This help to cope difficult situations in future and will be able to make them strong person and independent. It is also good idea to pay pupils some money as a wage to encourage them to work.
Over all, since we live in a rapidly-growing word, it is good idea young people recognize their goals at school time by spending some time at working areas. With achieving this, potentials of teenager have been uncovered best in their life.

[saqibali]

Please check Ryan guidelines for Essay writing. The essay need a lot of improvement.

Once you start following the Ryan structure, it will improve a lot. After memorizing structure, you need to work on sentence structure.