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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.

For a long time, schools have been following a rigid curriculum teaching many traditional subjects. Some people argue that schools should spend less time on subjects like History, and start teaching vocational courses that would help students later on in their jobs. In my opinion, all schools should include job related courses as a part of their curriculum. Students are bound to reap a multitude of benefits from this.

Firstly, inclusion of subjects aimed at developing skills for jobs would mean that students wouldn't have to spend a lot of time on courses that wouldn't have any bearing on their future. They can get a glimpse of what they can expect in their potential jobs and how to tackle them. For instance, schools could bring professionals from various fields and have them conduct sessions on the basics of their role in the industry. Getting an idea about how people work and the kinds of job they attend would prepare them mentally for their future, help them find out their interests, and thereby help them choose the right career path. For this reason, schools need to have a plan to include job related courses in their curriculum to help students prepare for their future.

Although, learning subjects like History is important, schools shouldn’t focus much on them and should concentrate only on teaching the basics of such traditional courses. History can be learnt any time and students can even learn them on their own. However, vocational courses ought to be taught at the right time as the world is getting competitive, and delaying teaching essential courses to students is only going to impact their career.

It is clear that developing skills needed for the future during schooling would help students prepare themselves for the job industry in this competitive world. Hence, schools should take all efforts to include subjects that would help the students realize their potential ,find the jobs they desire and to make them well rounded individuals.

Hello!

The real problem is that your arguments are presented in very general terms. You have not explained why learning history is not useful - especially for someone who wants to be university history professor! What do you mean by vocational courses and why should all students learn them?

The conclusion is particularly weak - include subjects that would help the students realize their potential?

Grammar is good in terms of accuracy but weak in terms of range. Conditionals, for instance?

Similarly, vocabulary is good, but not used to create a coherent argument.

Overall, mediocre.

All the best,
David

Thank you David! Will work on my weak areas and try to improve them.