Please advise, many thanks

[MooChang]

Question
You recently stayed in a large city. The weather was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter
1) give details of what was wrong
2) explain what you had to do to overcome the problem at the time
3) say what action you would like the manager to take

My answer that please advise, thanks.


Dear Mr. Wong / Hotel Manager

I am writing to complaint about the rented room where central ventilation system was being inadequate . Perhaps Hong Kong is hot and high humidity in May that summer was being extremely hot and lots of moisture air, where was causing really uncomfortable. All things in the room was being damped and my clothing that hanged in the built in cabinet was being also wet.

Meanwhile, I actually stay in your hotel until next week to facilitate my examination finish. In past period, I can't slept deeply well overnight and made me was not fully concerned to sitting the examination. I worried that caused unexpectly performance in the examination result.

Finally, I would like your goodself to take immediately actions to improve the problem. I am preferring to set a movable dehumidity machine and movable electric fan in the flat to facilitate temporary alive the unusual weather till my journey completed.

If you have any further enquire that please don't hesitate to contact me directly. Your approximately actions are greatly appreciate.

Thank you for your greatest attention!

Your Sincerely
Mr. Chang
(RM 123 guest)

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Well, first I think that we have to change 'weather' to 'accommodation'. If you write to a hotel complaining about the weather, well they might recommend a doctor!

The grammatical errors are such that it is not clear if you are still in the hotel or not.

Lots of vocabulary errors - approximately actions, facilitate temporary alive ...

However, you have answered the key points.

I would suggest that you be a lot more careful with vocab and grammar.

All the best,
David

[MooChang]

Thank you, sir.

Would you mind give the rate of this essay.