Check writing: Some people say International sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree?

[shehmed]

Essay: Some people say International sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some people that international sports events such as the Olympics, the Football World Cup and the Cricket World Cup, play a vital role to bring together different nations and their peoples and ease tensions among them. In my opinion, such events might slightly contribute to world peace, but not only they cause more tensions between countries because of controversial incidents involving athletes but also a tremendous amount of money is funnelled into constructions projects for hosting such big sporting events.

Firstly, gigantic infrastructure projects are required to meet the challenges of international sporting events and money is poured into construction projects which rather be invested in social services for hosting these mega sports events. For example, Brazil hosted the Football World Cup event which created a wave of tensions throughout the country because it is suffering from various economic and financial crisis where such huge amount of money should have been spent.

Secondly, controversial incidents, in the international sporting events, involving athletes, players can break off diplomatic relations among nations. In addition, this will influence nationalism because each team of players represent and compete for their own country. Furthermore, such events can breed domestic violence after home teams lose big matches.

In conclusion, true, sports can elevate people's spirits but international sporting events can only play a significant role in world peace if the members of a team are from different countries as they are formed in a tennis game. Spending too much money in hosting these big events would be a waste of time and money otherwise.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good essay, but the main ideas have not been sufficiently developed. The longest part of the essay is the introduction, which should be shorter than the main paragraphs.

Vocabulary and grammar are very good, with regard to both range and accuracy, and this is what would result in a good score for the essay.

All the best,
David

[Xbb]

Hi David,
Could you please share the approximately band score of good and very good in your comments?
Is it a 7 and 8 respectively?
Thanks a lot,
Xbb

[shehmed]

Hi David,
Thank you for your valuable and constructive feedback. I would highly appreciate if you could rate the essay with regard to band score.