could you please assess my task 2 response?

[dinosaur2007]

Should students study and work at the same time, or should they study first and then work?
Which opinion do you agree with?

There is no doubt that studying and working at the same time has aroused a lot of controversy in the last few years. Although a group of people claims that students should study and work at the same time, another group of people holds a completely different point of view. This essay will discuss both points of view before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, it is believed by some people that students should have the chance to work while they are studying. They assume that students should learn to be more mature and independent at an early age. This can have a significant effect on their personality and mentality. As a result, the community would benefit a lot from them at work after they finish their education. An example for this would be seen in some countries like the United States where the consequences can be clearly seen.

On the other hand, another opinion can be seen refuting the previous argument and stating that education should be finished before proceeding to work. This is justified by mentioning that working can distract students and prevent them from performing well in their studies. After finishing their education and getting their degree, they can be more efficient workers later on at their future jobs. Thus, this clearly shows why these people hold that opinion.

These ideas can be summed up by saying that although both opinions seem convincing, it is plausible to me that finishing education before working is a better choice for the reasons mentioned beforehand.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I didn't count the number of words, but it looks to me to be under 250. If this is the case, the ideas need to be more developed. The ideas are good, though.

In the conclusion, you fail to explain why you think some reasons are more important than others.

The range of grammar is a little limited, but accuracy is quite high.

Vocabulary is certainly sufficient to answer the question (briefly) but the range is a little limited.

Overall, average.

All the best,
David

[Aky]

Hello !

I have counted words of this essay and It is exactly 257 words.

[Flick]

Should students study and work at the same time, or should they study first and then work?
Which opinion do you agree with?

There is no doubt that studying and working at the same time has aroused a lot of controversy in recent years. Although one group of people claim that students should study and work at the same time, another group of people hold a completely different point of view. This essay will discuss both points of view before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, it is believed by some people that students should have the chance to work while they are studying. They feel that students should learn to be more mature and independent at an early age. This can have a significant effect on their personality and mentality. As a result, the community would benefit a lot from their work after they finish their education. An example of this can be seen in some countries like the United States where the consequences can be clearly seen.(<--What consequences? This is not an example, just a statement with no explanation.)

On the other hand, another opinion can be seen refuting the previous argument and stating that education should be finished before proceeding to work. This is justified by mentioning that having a job can distract students and prevent them from performing well in their studies. After finishing their education and getting their degree, they can be more efficient workers later on at their future jobs. Thus, this clearly shows why these people hold that opinion.

These ideas can be summed up by saying that although both opinions seem convincing, it is plausible to me that finishing one's education before working is a better choice for the reasons mentioned above.