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General task 2 response. kindly evaluate my writing

Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 5:59 pm
by dinosaur2007
Should students do postgraduate studies after their graduation, or should they start working at once?


Nowadays, a considerable debate has been aroused around the necessity of postgraduate studies after graduation. It is believed by some people that these studies are of paramount importance before starting to work; however, some others claim that working should be started immediately following graduation. This essay will discuss both points of view before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

On one hand, many people hold the opinion that at least a master’s degree is a must before commencing a new job. They attribute this to the fact that higher education alone is not sufficient to qualify graduates to work in certain specialties. For instance, in some countries, physicians are not allowed to practice their job unless they specialize in a certain field by doing postgraduate studies. This could potentially rise the quality of healthcare services to be provided for the society. Thus, it is deemed important to apply for postgraduate studies before proceeding to work.

On the other hand, other people emphasize the importance of starting a career as soon as they get their degree. They justify opinion by stating that after graduation, one will, certainly, start a whole new life, and if he cannot earn a living to support himself and his family, this will be regarded as a failure. Moreover, in some countries like the USA, they even start working before graduation. Hence, it is obvious here how vital getting a job is for many people.

After analyzing both points of view, they all seem convincing; however I am inclined to support the second opinion due to the reasons mentioned beforehand.

Re: General task 2 response. kindly evaluate my writing

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:31 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

The conclusion is not entirely clear. Do you mean that no-one should do post-graduate studies, including in those cases where you wrote that it is 'deemed important'?

The range of vocabulary and grammar is insufficient to create a convincing argument. More precision (conditionals, again!) would improve this.

Overall, you need to be much clearer about when a post-graduate education is a good idea and when it is not, in your opinion.

All the best,
David