Task 2. Plz give me feedback. i'm looking for the band of 5.5 in writing

[luongngocnghia13]

Nowadays young people spend too much of their time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or dissagree ?

In this 21th century, it can be seen that teenagers are spending a greatly amount of their time in shopping mall. As a matter of fact, many people believe that this behavior may result in some adverse impacts on young people themself and their surrounding world. However, I do not agree with this argument. In my opinon, this is not a harmful tendency, but conversely, a beneficial action to the society. The reason for me to believe so is because of the two following reasons.
Firstly, spending time in the shopping malls among the young people brings a huge financial benefit to the government. For instance, the increasing sales figures in shopping malls means more job and wealth being created for the society which has a good influence on the economic growth, thus, has a positive effect on the government. In the same way, this behavior can be seen as an great impact on the society.
Secondly, despite the fact that young generation are spending an excessive amount of time in the malls, they find themself satisfied and happy by doing so. Futhermore, it improves their both mentaly and physically health which would become much better by going out the street instead of sitting in their bedroom and having their eyes glued to the computer screen all day. Thus, iti is totally understandable that spending time in the shopping malls is not only an unharmful action, but it also brings young generation a lot of benefits.
To sum up, being in the shopping malls among young people is not that bad, in a long-term view, it gives a significant financial benefit to the government and also creates an amazing impact on their both mentaly and physically health. From my perspective, i strongly oppose the given statement owing to the presented reasons above.