Topic of work and family

[yhjsaber]

People spend more and more time at their work place and don’t spend enough time with family and friends. Why is this happening? What consequences can this have for the family life and society?

It is true that the ever intensifying competition in modern world is diminishing the amount of time people can spend with their family and friends. There are several factors contributing to this trend and they have various effects on individuals’ family lives and society.

The foremost reason for this trend is that people living in modernised cities have to continuously improve themselves in order for them to maintain their competitiveness. This involves constantly acquiring new occupational skills as well as working longer hours to become proficient in employing these skills. As a result, a bulk of employees’ time is allotted for such purposes and little is left for them to enjoy with their relatives and friends. In addition, the prevalence of computer technology which enables instant information exchange plays a key role in restricting people’s time spent on face to face communication. As most find it convenient to communicate via a computer, it is likely for them to feel reluctant interacting with others, which is considered more exhausted and time-consuming. Consequently, they would intend to spend less time with their family and friends.

Despite that spending less time with loved ones provides people with more time to pursue their careers, the negative effects of this on the well-being of a person’s family and society are numerous. Firstly, those who are often forced to work overtime would develop a sense of isolation and alienation because they are constantly confined at their workplace and have limited opportunities to interact with others. This in turn could affect their psychological health and hence, restraining their abilities to work efficiently. Secondly, not having enough time to spend with trusted ones means that a person would find it difficult to release the pressure from work through talking it out. If every person in cities were able to work happily and efficiently, the economic development of a society would suffer tremendously. Additionally, the well-being of their family would be adversely affected because it is impossible to maintain a happy and healthy family with the constant absence of one member.

In conclusion, modern busy lifestyle is responsible largely for the ever decreasing time for people to spend with their family. If there were no effective measures in place, the negative influences of such trend would cause more problems to both people’s lives and the society they live in.

[allen_zhang]

Hi yhjsaber,
I have a question: Do you learn your writing from "ielts simon"?
Since your level is higher than mine, I don't have much to comment on your essay. I will just try to check the possible problems.

which is considered more exhausted and time-consuming

should it be exhausting?

Secondly, not having enough time to spend with trusted ones means is "that" needed here? a person would find it difficult to release the pressure from work through talking it out.

the economic development of is a "a" needed here? society would suffer tremendously.

Generally, it looks so nice!

Cheers,
Allen

[yhjsaber]

Thank you for your comments. I have made amendments accordingly (highlightened in bold words).

It looks like you have experience with many writing styles. However, I developed this style by analysing the model answers provided in every Cambridge IELTS book, which is basically free style. The only similarity is that we both tend to paraphrase the question as a way to write the introduction sentences, which are then followed by your own opinion. For the supporting paragrahs, there are no fixed rules for you to follow and it is where the free style comes in, as long as it flows and looks natural. You may notice that I did not use any examples. However, all my views are supported using my own life experiences, which is exactly what the question asks for. Another experience I want share with you is that IELTS writing does not require the use of "big words" such as iniquity, obliquity, depravity, knavery, profligacy, frailty, flagrancy, infamy, immorality,corruption, wickedness, wrongdoing, backsliding and sin. In fact, a good writer can use simplest words to express the most beautiful thoughts and I am still striving to achieve this. I hope my experience can help you improve.

Cheers.

[Flick]

People spend more and more time at their work place and don’t spend enough time with family and friends. Why is this happening? What consequences can this have for the family life and society?

It is true that the ever intensifying competition in the modern world is diminishing the amount of time people can spend with their family and friends. There are several factors contributing to this trend and they have various effects on individuals’ family lives and society.

The foremost reason for this trend is that people living in modernised cities have to continuously improve themselves in order for them to maintain their competitiveness. This involves constantly acquiring new occupational skills as well as working longer hours to become proficient in employing these skills. As a result, more and more of employees’ time is being taken up, and little is left for them to enjoy with their relatives and friends. In addition, the prevalence of computer technology, which enables instant information exchange, plays a key role in restricting people’s time spent on face to face communication. As most find it convenient to communicate via a computer, it is increasingly common for them to feel reluctant interacting with others, which is considered more exhausted and time-consuming. Consequently, they intentionally spend less time with their family and friends.

Even though spending less time with loved ones provides people with more time to pursue their careers, the negative effects of this on the well-being of a person’s family and society, in general, are numerous. Firstly, those who are often forced to work overtime develop a sense of isolation and alienation because they are constantly confined to their workplace and have limited opportunities to interact with others. This, in turn, could affect their psychological health and affect their ability to work efficiently. Secondly, not having enough time to spend with loved ones means that a person could find it difficult to release the pressure from work through discussion and interaction. If every personwas able to work happily and efficiently, the economic development of a society would suffer tremendously. (<-- why would development suffer? If everyone was happy and efficient, isn't this a good thing? Wouldn't economic development improve?) Additionally, the well-being of their family would be improved because the physical presence of all members is a key part in maintaining a happy and healthy family.

In conclusion, our modern, busy lifestyles are largely responsible for the ever decreasing time people have available to spend with their family. If there were no effective measures in place, (<-- what are these measures?) the negative influences of such a trend would cause more problems to both people's lives and the society they live in.