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David.IELTS.Examiner wrote:Hello!

I don't give band scores, but here's my assessment.

TR - The introduction is twice as long as the conclusion and the second main paragraph! Basic arguments are good and the first main paragraph is developed. No personal conclusion.

CC - Good use of connectives.

LR - Some VERY weird phrasing - to be or not to be, needles? Spelling mistakes - loosing

GRA - Lots of errors, some of which change meaning (the mobile phone which installed ... software). many basic errors, e.g. peoples, basically living

Overall, I'm afraid this is a weak essay.

All the best,
David

MooChang wrote: ↑Thu Apr 27, 2017 6:10 am Nowadays, peoples living habits with computers anywhere and anytime which provide thousands of convenience for us.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Meanwhile, our daily lives are changing rapidly due to technological advances in commercial activities, medical treatments, educational systems and transportation systems. these essential living habits were created large amounts of profit that caused many seriously crimes, such as scams, internet illegally personal data collections and so on.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Therefore, “To be or not to be, that is the question” the computers technology pros and cons will interpret with concrete evidences in this essay as following.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

However, the knowledge of computers which in order to improve human life and make our daily living better and better.(<--Reword to: "Firstly, computers have improved our daily lives.") Technology will develop more user friendly in our personally living.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) For instance, the smart phone contains dozens of essential tools in a singly, portable device. This smaller thing installed the telephone function for peoples easily communicate with each other.(<--Reword to: "This small device allows people to easily communicate with each other.") Furthermore, this can be installed many different kinds of software that the owner preferred to facilitate their commercial activities by email, shares stocks or bank.(<--Reword to: "Furthermore, software can be installed on the phone to allow the owner to access their emails, banking information and much more.") In additional, the mobile phone which installed educational software can carry out the teaching purposes.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) On the one hand, this greatest the technology can make human life becoming incredible.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

Unfortunately, on the other hand, computers have also caused dozens of problems, such as crimes and a loss of interpersonal skills. The crimes can be avoided by user educational to minimize but the interpersonal skills that caused seriously influence in different generations.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

All in all, no needle have sharp in both end.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Thus, the computers can be provided the marvelous things to our which also provided the negative badly affect to the improperly users.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Peoples should alert to operate the computers technology and avoid the computers stopped human to loosing basically living skills.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)