IELTS Academic Writing 1 - Pleaaaase assess my writing

[Jomana]

The line graph demonstrates the amount of travellers at London Station throughout the day, from 6:00 to 22:00. It is immediately apparent the variation in the number of passengers during the time reaching the max of 400.

It is of note that the rush hours are in the early morning, 8:00 and the evening, 18:00. Peaple start their journey to the station at 6:00 of only 100 passengers even though this number spectacularly shoots up to reach a peak of 400 at 8:00 where most of employees start to jostle to reach their jobs on time similarly to what happens at 18:00 where most of them leave to home, and gradually with time, it steeply sink to a trough of just about 200 and 100 at 10:00 and 20:00 respectively.

It is clearly obvious that the rate of people remain rather constant in the afternoon, between 12:00 and 14:00 of 300 passengers, notwithunderstanding the substantial fall to a low of 100 at 16:00. Likewise, people are approximately of the same quantity from 20:00 _ 22:00 of 100 to just under 200.

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[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

(Please post in the writing section next time.)

Make your summary clearer and use it to look at the overall trend rather than just one or two pieces of information.

Your description of the detail is good in terms of describing the line, but not so good in terms of grammar. Vocabulary is a little weak, with some words used incorrectly or inappropriately (e.g. max, jostle, steeply sink).

Overall, not bad, but could easily be improved to a good report.

All the best,
David

[Jomana]

thank u

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