Kindly can you evaluate and rate my essay task 2

[Irfan Ali]

As part of the class assignment you have to write about the following topics:

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in Business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes.
What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computer a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
You should write at least 25o words.
Answer.

The computers are the machines which makes the life easier for the human being in terms of work load. These have been built in Eighteenth century and now becoming the part of every one life. With the help of the computers, the humans are capable to achieve what they are dreamed in old ages. Now a days they have been used in daily life and also in the complex work environment. The computers are planned to be used in the medicine and even for the purpose of surgery and artificial intelligence. Although the benefits are more but we will discuss couple of the benefits with regards to the latest technology in the below paragraphs.

Latest technology brings the computers in a position that they will not only work for us, but will provide the health and care services. Scientist have successfully made the equipment with the help of the computer which bring the another life to the patients who has the severe heart and kidney problems. Pace maker and dialysis machine are the one of the key inventions. The mini-computer in these machine help us to regulate the heart beat in case of heart disease and also control the sugar level in case of kidney failure. This is only possible due to the computers.

Another beneficial input of the computers in our life is due to the artificial intelligence. These techniques are used now a days in the automated driving vehicles. The computers equipped with the artificial intelligence not only provide comfort to the driver but also provide the necessary alerts on the timely basis such as road accidents and heavy traffic. Moreover, scientist are planned to use the computers for the driving purpose, where the computer not only can be used for the driving of the vehicle but also take decisions as required such a speed judgement and emergency breaks.

The computer are increasing the efficiency in our life. The dependence on computers are always beneficial, these are designed to perform the work in good and efficient way. In future, computers will affect our lives in much better and easier way, and with the help of technology may be we come to know those things which are still not discovered in the universe.


Irfan Ali

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The introduction is much too long.

You do not really write anything about the possible problems of relying too much on technology.

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including many basic ones, e.g. scientist have, scientist are.

Vocabulary is not well used and there are many examples of mistakes, e.g. breaks (brakes), bring the another life.

Overall, a weak essay which does not really examine the question fully and which contains a lot of errors.

All the best,
David