Please assess my writing task 2

[Kandy]

<Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted. To what extent do you agree or disagree? >
Asserting the justice of a social is an extremely intricate process. The argument of the society should or should not be based on rules and laws, sets the foundation of the society’s identity forever. In my opinion, the addition of these items is essential to the deterrence and punishment of offences and the encouragement of proportion lifestyle. I thus agree they should be imposed to deter individuals for doing their free things, and I will show clue to prove this.
Firstly, rules and laws help society acts as a deterrent breaking the law of crimes. For example, my small city has a stern rule which fine someone who use their vehicle in the park. At weekends, the open context of the park environment makes it possible for children and older generation to meet each other and do exercises, driving cars or motorbikes in this area can cause some risk consequences. The effect of this rule is seen in my hometown’s shopping malls, too. Shopping malls were the place present many products display, and thus they impose the prison sentence for petty theft, which help consumers and shopping owner can mingle and feel assured. Thus, the helpful role of rule and laws play in the establishing of the society is clear.
Secondly, rules and laws allay citizen’s fears stem from homicide and rioting in society. For instance, the imprisonment and death sentences of my country are a regular reminder to offender passing by that discipline. The court and jury always do their best to give right penal decisions and they also try to protect the victim and their family or encourage people make an honest living through their ability. This is a clear advantage to society life that include rules and laws.
As the above shows, rule and laws are helpful in many ways to the establishment of a justice society. People can feel safety and freedom to do anything but it must not break these laws.
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Thank you so much.
Kandy

[Flick]

<Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted. To what extent do you agree or disagree? >

Asserting the justice of a society is an extremely intricate process. The argument of the society should or should not be based on rules and laws, sets the foundation of the society’s identity forever.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) In my opinion, the addition of these items(<--What items?) is essential to the deterrence and punishment of offenders and the encouragement of proportion lifestyle(<--What is 'proportion lifestyle'?). I thus agree they(<--What 'they'?) should be imposed to deter individuals for doing their free things(<--What are 'free things'?), and this essay will support this viewpoint.

Firstly, rules and laws act as a deterrent to criminals. For example, my small city has a rule about driving in the park. On weekends, the openness of the park makes it possible for children and older generations to meet each other and do various activities, so driving cars or motorbikes in this area is strictly forbidden. The effect of this rule can be seen in my hometown’s shopping malls, too. Shopping malls were the place present many products display,(<--I don't understand this sentence.) and thus they impose a prison sentence for petty theft, which helps consumers and shop owners feel more secure. Thus, the helpful role rules and laws play in establishing the society is clear.

Secondly, rules and laws allay citizens' fears stemming from homicide and rioting in society. For instance, the imprisonment and death sentences of my country are a regular reminder to offenders passing by that discipline(<--I don't understand this sentence.). The court and jury always do their best to make the right penal decisions, and they also try to protect the victim and their family or encourage people make an honest living through their ability.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) This is a clear advantage to society that rules and laws are necessary.

As the above shows, rules and laws are helpful in many ways for the establishment of a just society. People can feel safety and freedom to do anything but it must not break these laws.
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Thank you so much.
Kandy