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In some countries healthcare is free, paid by the state. In other countries, payment is divided between the state and people themselves. Discuss both systems, and say which one is better.

In recent years, healthcare has become one of the pressing problems all around the world due to the dramatic changes in lifestyles. While some people believe that healthcare should be accessible to all people free of charge, a few people prefer to pay a part of this on their own. This essay will guide the readers through both views and suggest my reasons why I believe it should not be free of charge.

On the one hand, free healthcare has several major advantages. Any country that lacks healthy people could not develop as fast as others that have healthy workforce. To illustrate, existing research from Taiwan shows the causal link between free healthcare system and the percentage of growth in economic development due to the reason above. One plus side of this, which could then be perceived as a down side of the opposing system is merging the gap between the rich and the poor. In other words, everybody could reach the provided healthcare regardless of income or race.

Having said that free healthcare is great, there are some flaws of it, which turns to be the pros of charged healthcare. First and foremost, the former uses money from taxes paid by the whole population whereas the latter allows patients to contribute money to the system. By doing this so, the charged healthcare is more sustainable because of both higher income and greater awareness from ill people. Take Thailand, for example, if someone did not pay any extra for the cost of treatment, he or she would not feel the burden being placed upon the state. That person might not even change his or her way of living to an active lifestyle; even though, the doctor tell him or her to do so. In fact, health care system where people need to contribute to is more widely used in the whole world. The reason is that it is easier to maintain both quality and quantity concurrently this way.

Taking everything into account, I personally prefer healthcare system where payment is shared between people and a nation mainly because this is more practical.

Hello!

The first main paragraph is good, but the second contains a few key problems.

The point about contributing to the system is unclear. As you mention, 'free' health care is paid from taxes, so most people do actually contribute.

If they DON'T pay the extra cost, they DON'T feel the burden??? This makes no sense to me. And what if they DID?

I'm not sure about the quality argument. It's true in many countries, for sure, but in some developed countries the public health care system is really good. This is a good example of why using 'extreme' language is a bad idea.

In your conclusion, you say that the cost should be shared, but there is no reasoning for this.

Overall, quite a weak essay. Be careful about expressing your ideas. Conditionals, adverbs and modals are useful.

All the best,
David

Oh! I see^^ Thank you very much for your help:)