Please evaluate this essay (Excessive high salaries) Thanks! :)

[cilla17]

Opinion differ on whether extremely high wages should be permitted is heated in many countries. While enormously high wages that a group of people get is in favour of country, I agree with those who believe that the government should impose some restrictions over the salary from the equilibrium point. This essay will delve into the both sides and my opinion about this issue.

On the one hand, it is said that a small number of high-income people is beneficial to the stability of society mainly because they pay more taxes. They contribute more money to the public interest so that more available monetary resources can be allocated in public services which determines the quality of life. Additionally, they also have greater capacity to spend which can boost economic growth. In general, people rewarded with high salaries who are highly skilled and intellectual, contribute towards the development of society.

However, the majority of people not having the wages payment balance which is not shared equally during the working process. Therefore, limiting high salaries would bring more equality to the community as it can prevent the rich from gaining unfair control over certain aspect of society. Moreover, It might be an effective way to narrow the wealth gap throughout a country. Furthermore, I maintain the fact that the majority earns pretty high salary level might contributes greater to the overall development of society then just the minority with extremely high wages. As a result, government not only should impose restrictions over the salary but also provide free professional education and training to citizens for an overall improvement on revenue.

In conclusion, huge incomes that some people earn have useful sides for the country but the governments should not let wages being higher than a definite level for bringing the equality and should divert extra funds on cultivating more professionals.


Many thanks!

[dlbb]

Opinion differ on whether extremely high wages should be permitted is heated in many countries. While enormously high wages that a group of people get is in favour of country, I agree with those who believe that the government should impose some restrictions over the salary from the equilibrium point. This essay will delve into the both sides and my opinion about this issue.

On the one hand, it is said that a small number of high-income people is beneficial to the stability of society mainly because they pay more taxes. They contribute more money to the public interest so that more available monetary resources can be allocated in public services which determines the quality of life. Additionally, they also have greater capacity to spend which can boost economic growth. In general, people rewarded with high salaries who are highly skilled and intellectual, contribute towards the development of society.

However, the majority of people not having the wages payment balance which is not shared equally during the working process. Therefore, limiting high salaries would bring more equality to the community as it can prevent the rich from gaining unfair control over certain aspect of society. Moreover, It might be an effective way to narrow the wealth gap throughout a country. Furthermore, I maintain the fact that the majority earns pretty high salary level might contributes greater to the overall development of society then just the minority with extremely high wages. As a result, government not only should impose restrictions over the salary but also provide free professional education and training to citizens for an overall improvement on revenue.

In conclusion, huge incomes that some people earn have useful sides for the country but the governments should not let wages being higher than a definite level for bringing the equality and should divert extra funds on cultivating more professionals.


Many thanks!

Hi, Cilla. I think your post is incomplete as you haven't included the (exact) question and the type of answer essay you are trying to write. But judging by your response, I believe you are trying to write an argumentative essay. Let me tell you, I am not an expert but I would certainly provide my feedback.

Task response - Candidate addresses the task but lacks focus. No examples are included and no data to support the claims or overview. Message may become unclear due to variable and inappropriate tone used. It does present key features and there's some focussed discussion too.

Coherence and Cohesion - Structures may seem organized but there's a lack of proper progression. There's slight overuse of cohesive devices essentially making the use a repetitive one. The whole answer lack referencing and substitution.

Lexical resource - Lexical resource range is more than satisfactory but the candidate does not know how to use it properly. Also, candidate tries to do word or sentence reformation but it leads to repetition of the same idea in the same sentence(s).

Grammatical range and accuracy - Majority of the sentences lack proper grammar structures. The candidate tries to attempt complex sentences, but always make mistakes. Inaccurate sentence structures makes the reader to reread the sentence(s) again and this makes it extremely difficult to understand the answer.

Other notes: The sentence in first paragraph "This essay will delve into the both sides and my opinion about this issue." is not needed and is unnecessary

[cilla17]

Opinion differ on whether extremely high wages should be permitted is heated in many countries. While enormously high wages that a group of people get is in favour of country, I agree with those who believe that the government should impose some restrictions over the salary from the equilibrium point. This essay will delve into the both sides and my opinion about this issue.

On the one hand, it is said that a small number of high-income people is beneficial to the stability of society mainly because they pay more taxes. They contribute more money to the public interest so that more available monetary resources can be allocated in public services which determines the quality of life. Additionally, they also have greater capacity to spend which can boost economic growth. In general, people rewarded with high salaries who are highly skilled and intellectual, contribute towards the development of society.

However, the majority of people not having the wages payment balance which is not shared equally during the working process. Therefore, limiting high salaries would bring more equality to the community as it can prevent the rich from gaining unfair control over certain aspect of society. Moreover, It might be an effective way to narrow the wealth gap throughout a country. Furthermore, I maintain the fact that the majority earns pretty high salary level might contributes greater to the overall development of society then just the minority with extremely high wages. As a result, government not only should impose restrictions over the salary but also provide free professional education and training to citizens for an overall improvement on revenue.

In conclusion, huge incomes that some people earn have useful sides for the country but the governments should not let wages being higher than a definite level for bringing the equality and should divert extra funds on cultivating more professionals.


Many thanks!

Hi, Cilla. I think your post is incomplete as you haven't included the (exact) question and the type of answer essay you are trying to write. But judging by your response, I believe you are trying to write an argumentative essay. Let me tell you, I am not an expert but I would certainly provide my feedback.

Task response - Candidate addresses the task but lacks focus. No examples are included and no data to support the claims or overview. Message may become unclear due to variable and inappropriate tone used. It does present key features and there's some focussed discussion too.

Coherence and Cohesion - Structures may seem organized but there's a lack of proper progression. There's slight overuse of cohesive devices essentially making the use a repetitive one. The whole answer lack referencing and substitution.

Lexical resource - Lexical resource range is more than satisfactory but the candidate does not know how to use it properly. Also, candidate tries to do word or sentence reformation but it leads to repetition of the same idea in the same sentence(s).

Grammatical range and accuracy - Majority of the sentences lack proper grammar structures. The candidate tries to attempt complex sentences, but always make mistakes. Inaccurate sentence structures makes the reader to reread the sentence(s) again and this makes it extremely difficult to understand the answer.

Other notes: The sentence in first paragraph "This essay will delve into the both sides and my opinion about this issue." is not needed and is unnecessary

Hi ^^

Thank you soooo much for your time and constructive feedback!!!
It's so detailed! I'll make a resume
Once again, thank you for sharing your knowledge~~~

Best wishes,
Cilla