Task 2 Example: Please evaluate my essay

[temandrin]

Thesis: Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Nowadays people work globally to win their living, but on flip side there are too many who work for a good salary. Happiness in profession comes in two directions, a well payed wage and professional fulfilment. There are pro and cons, wich between them is more weighty.

First of all, I strongly believe that without being happy with your every day duties, is like being a machine earning money. If employees won't love what they do, they will face lack of motivation and their performance probably will degrade. For instance, let suppose that an engineer will make repetitive and procedurial tasks, rather than performing crative and ambitous projects. He will be boring soon. His self-confidence and self-esteem will decrease tremendously. Inductivity of the employees will be transmitted to the companies and this might cause negative effects in future financial incomes.

On the other hand, without justification of a good perfomances with monetary value and honoring is a deprivation from success. Earning too much, or at least enough to live a normal life in my opinion is a barrier to break it. Furthermore while you are not supported financially in order to grow a family, buy a house, etc, but you are satisfied with your job, it's time to look after other possibilities with higher standarts.

To sum up, in my view a high standart wage comes with a good career, mixed with the fate, right moment and success, therefore a combination of job happiness and a well payed occupation would be perfect. It is crucial to grow professionally and moneys will come to you, so satisfaction is undisputed.

[Flick]

Thesis: Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Nowadays people work hard to earn their living, but on flip side there are many who work for a good salary.(<--I don't understand this sentence. You are saying the same thing twice, not giving an opposing point of view.) Happiness in one's career comes in two ways; a good wage and professional fulfilment. There are pros and cons, which between them is more weighty.(<--Pros and cons to what? I don't understand this sentence.)

First of all, I strongly believe that if you don't enjoy your every day duties, you will feel like a machine earning money. If employees don't love what they do, they will face a lack of motivation and their performance will probably degrade. For instance, let's suppose that an engineer carries out repetitive and procedurial tasks, rather than performing creative and ambitious projects. He will quickly become bored. His self-confidence and self-esteem will decrease tremendously. Employee productivity will be transmitted to the company, and this might cause negative effects in future financial income.

On the other hand, without justification of a good perfomances with monetary value and honoring is a deprivation from success.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Earning too much, or at least enough to live a normal life in my opinion is a barrier to break it.(<--Break what? I don't understand this sentence.) Furthermore, while you are not supported financially in order to grow a family, buy a house, etc, but you are satisfied with your job, it's time to look after other possibilities with higher standards.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

To sum up, in my view a high wage comes with a good career, mixed with the fate, right moment and success, therefore a combination of job happiness and a well payed occupation would be perfect.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) It is crucial to grow professionally and money will come to you, so satisfaction is undisputed.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)