pls grade my letter - asking for loan

[rairaichan0323]

As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank.
Write a letter to your bank.
In your letter: introduce yourself and ask for a loan,
say why you need the money and
tell how you intend to pay back the money.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Janis Lam and an International student from Hong Kong. I have had my account with your bank since two years already. I am writing to request a temporary loan so that I can pay for my institution fee.

The due date of the fee payment will be next Friday. Actually, my parents would like to transfer money to me; unfortunately, they have trouble with their bank, and they have not been able to send me money on time. Therefore, I would like to request 2000 Euro loans in order to pay for the tuition fee.

I expected to return the money on 1st of July as the bank assumes my parents that it would be able to do the transaction at the end of this month. Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

I am looking forward to hearing your response.

Yours faithfully,

Janis Lam

[EnglishTeacher]

As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank.
Write a letter to your bank.
In your letter: introduce yourself and ask for a loan,
say why you need the money and
tell how you intend to pay back the money.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Janis Lam and an International student from Hong Kong. I have had my account with your bank for two years already. I am writing to request a temporary loan so that I can pay my institution's fee.

The due date for the fee payment is next Friday. My parents are trying to transfer money to me; unfortunately, they are having trouble with their bank, and they have not been able to send me themoney in time. Therefore, I would like to requesta 2000 Euro loan in order to pay the tuition fee.

I expected to return the money on the 1st of July as the bank assures my parents that it would be able to complete the transaction at the end of this month. Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

I am looking forward to your response.

Yours faithfully,

Janis Lam

[durai]

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Janis Lam, and I am an International student from Hong Kong. I am having ( why 'had', it means right now you are not having account with this bank) account with your bank for the past two years. ( you xan add account number, for reference) I am writing to request a temporary loan for paying my my tuition fee.

The due date of the fee payment will be next Friday. Actually, my parents would like to transfer money to my bank account ; unfortunately, they have trouble with their bank, and they have not been able to send ( try to avoid s=using "me" for every time because it would lacks clarity money on time. Therefore, I would like to request 2000 Euro credit in order to pay ( remove 'for') the tuition fee.

I expected to return the money on 1st of July as the bank assumes my parents that it would be able to do the transaction at the end of this month ( consider rewording, this is not clear). Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

I am looking forward to hearing your response.

Yours faithfully,

Janis Lam

good letter; needs improvement on grammar

[durai]

hi, my version;



viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1301

have a look...

suggest for mistakes.


Durai