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IELTS Essay-Importance of exercise.

Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2017 3:13 pm
by deepakt
Hello Ryan,

Could you please evaluate my essay(IELTS band 1-9).Could you please suggest what I need to do for achieving higher band in IELTS.





It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers.Therefore, exercise should be compulsory for all students in all schools what do you think?


Adage 'Health is wealth' is true.For keeping body healthy and fit, exercise has vital importance. Because of many benefits that derived from an exercise in many universities, schools, and colleges it is made mandatory.

Firstly, doing daily exercise can help us to keep us fit and healthy, it is also helpful to build our endurance.For example, after doing yoga in the morning, I feel rejuvenated. It is also helpful to improve the suppleness of the body.I can also concentrate on my studies in a better way.From this benefits of yoga can be clearly seen.

Secondly, we are up to our neck at our work.We do not have time to take care of ourselves.After doing exercise, we feel fresh, calm and energetic.Exercise can add charm to the lives.Scientifically it is proved that exercise plays an indispensable role in the prevention of some of the disease. For instance, for preventing back pain as well as diseases related to heart there are many exercises have been mentioned in Ayurveda.From this, it is quite evident that, why exercise is helpful for taking some preventative measures.

Lastly, exercise helps us to concentrate on our task in a better way without any interruption.Many famous personalities such as Narendra Modi, Barak Obama illustrate the benefits of exercise.Doing exercise is their daily ritual.From last sixteen years, Mr. Modi works continuously without taking a single leave.
Personalities like Ramdeo baba help people to cure the disease by doing exercise.Exercise also helps to become successful in life.

To conclude, due to many benefits of exercise, it should be made compulsory for all the students.





Thanks

Re: IELTS Essay-Importance of exercise.

Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 6:11 pm
by Flick
deepakt wrote: Sun Sep 24, 2017 3:13 pm
It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, exercise should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?


The adage, 'Health is wealth' is true. For keeping one's body healthy and fit, exercise has vital importance. Because of the many benefits derived from exercise, in many universities, schools, and colleges it is mandatory.

Firstly, doing daily exercise can help us to keep us fit and healthy as well as build our endurance. For example, after doing yoga in the morning, I feel rejuvenated. It is also helpful to improve the suppleness of the body. I can also concentrate on my studies in a better way after exercising. From this example, the benefits of yoga can be clearly seen.

Secondly, we are always busy at work. We do not have time to take care of ourselves. After doing exercise, we feel fresh, calm and energetic. Exercise can add charm to our lives. (<--What do you mean 'charm'? How does exercise add charm?) Scientifically, it is proven that exercise plays an indispensable role in the prevention of some diseases. For instance, in order to prevent back pain as well as diseases related to the heart, there are many exercises that have been mentioned in Ayurveda. From this, it is quite evident that exercise is helpful when taking preventative measures.

Lastly, exercise helps us to concentrate on our tasks in a better way. Many famous personalities such as Narendra Modi and Barack Obama illustrate the benefits of exercise. Doing exercise is part of their daily ritual. For the last sixteen years, Mr. Modi has worked continuously without taking a single day's leave.
Personalities like Ramdeo Baba help people to cure disease through exercise. Exercise also helps to become successful in life.(<--How?)

To conclude, due to the many benefits of exercise, it should be made compulsory for all students.