Task 1 - Letter Writing (General) - Please comment, Thanks!

[mhingz]

Hi to all!
Please comment on my letter. Thanks in advance!

Task 1 - Letter (General Exam)
Question:
You are interested to study a short course at a college in an English language country.
Write a letter to its managers and explain
- What course you are going to study ?and why?
- What is you qualifications and experience?
- Why do you choose this college to study?

Answer:

To the Dean of the College of Arts and Science,

I am writing this letter to express my interest in enrolling a short course on your department, specifically on Photography. Allow me to explain the reason for my interest of such course.
Firstly, I just got a job from an Architectural Firm here in the region and part of my work is documenting existing building for the project. This requires me to have in-depth knowledge on basic photography which is why my employer encourage me to take a short term class on your College.
Secondly, since my qualification includes a degree holder in architecture with 13 years of experience in the field of Architecture and Design, learning the art of Photography will add value to my career and invoke new concept of presenting a different type of medium as a form of Arts and Architecture.
Lastly, I am aware of the reputation that your College had gained particularly on the advance method of teaching. With this in mind, my motivation to study is highly engage regardless of the cost of the course.
I hope to find a favorable response from you and would contact me at any convenient time.

Sincerely,
Domingo

My remarks:
Correct me if im wrong but I used Dean instead of manager because i don't think they have managers in college.

[Flick]

Hi to all!

To the Dean of the College of Arts and Science,

I am writing this letter to express my interest in enrolling in a short course in your department, specifically Photography. Allow me to explain the reasons for my interest in this course.
Firstly, I just got a job atan Architectural Firm here in the region (<-- if this was a real letter, you would put the actual location here. For example, London, Bristol, etc.) and part of my work involves documenting existing buildings. This requires me to have in-depth knowledge of basic photography which is why my employer is encouraging me to take a short term class at your College.
Secondly, since my qualifications include a degree in architecture with 13 years of experience in the field of Architecture and Design, learning the art of Photography will add value to my career and teach me the new concept of presenting a different type of medium as a form of Arts and Architecture.
Lastly, I am aware of the reputation that your College has gained, particularly in your advanced method of teaching. With this in mind, my motivation to study is highly engaged regardless of the cost of the course.
I hope to receive a favorable response from you. Please contact me at any convenient time.

Sincerely,
Domingo [/color]

My remarks:
Correct me if im wrong but I used Dean instead of manager because i don't think they have managers in college.

Hi Domingo,

This is very well done. Your letter is polite and provides several reasons why you want to study, how this course will help you and what your experience is. I enjoyed reading this letter.

Thank you,
Flick

[mhingz]

thank you for your comments Flick!
my examination is getting closer and i am still not feeling confident with my writing.
anyhow..thanks again for the comment..i really appreciate it!
-domingo

[Flick]

English is not an easy language to learn and you should be proud of the effort you have put in.
Good luck with your exam!
Flick