In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is true that the crime rate has been rising, especially in larger cities. Many factors are at the root of this serious issue. However, several researches have shown that this is mainly related to educational aspects and information. Thus, governments should tackle crime by improving educational system.
Education and information are both elements to take into account when it comes to offence. Schools and universities play a crucial role in affecting one’s behaviour as an individual and should be the places, in tandem with home, where people learn what is right and wrong and the effects of one’s behaviour on our society. For this reason, the lack of educational and preventative initiatives concerning crime may result in an increase in offences. For Instance, according to several university studies, pupils attending schools where workshops about civil rights and justice take place are less likely to become vandalists or robbers in the future.
Therefore, governments should promote crime-related educational activities in state schools. It would be also necessary to encourage companies by financial incentives to allow workers to attend training courses connected with bribery, fraud and corporate crime. Learning more about crime and the related punishments can be seen as one of the most powerful preventative measures against offence. Take the financial companies operating in Japan, one of the countries with the lowest crime rate, as an example. Most employers there make sure that their staff are well educated about preventative measures at fighting crime and the consequences of committing offence.
To sum up, offence, one of the main issues in our society, is increasing in today’s world. The lack of an efficient educational system may represent one of the most significant causes of this phenomenon. Yet, governments can take action to combat crime by encouraging both institutions and enterprises to develop crime-related education programs.
This is the first time I write this kind of essay. Please give me feedback and score it. Sorry for the lack of interesting ideas about the topic.
Thank you!
Debora
CRIME Double question GIVE FEEDBACK PLEASE Thx
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Mark IELTS
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:50 am
Re: CRIME Double question GIVE FEEDBACK PLEASE Thx
Hello!
In the first main paragraph, you mention the lack of classes about crime. Are you saying that there WERE classes about this in the past?
In the second main paragraph, which is really very similar to the first (more 'education'), you don't really explain what has happened, in Japan, for instance.
Overall, vocabulary is ok, but there is a lack of precision. Grammatical range is actually quite limited, though accuracy is good. The main thing is that ideas are unclear.
All the best,
Mark
In the first main paragraph, you mention the lack of classes about crime. Are you saying that there WERE classes about this in the past?
In the second main paragraph, which is really very similar to the first (more 'education'), you don't really explain what has happened, in Japan, for instance.
Overall, vocabulary is ok, but there is a lack of precision. Grammatical range is actually quite limited, though accuracy is good. The main thing is that ideas are unclear.
All the best,
Mark