please evaluate my task 2 essay. thanks alot

[yass]

Solving environment problems should be the responsibility of an international organization rather than each national government.
Do you agree or disagree?

In recent decade environmental problems has become an international serious issue and its protection should be taken to a higher level. It is argued that this problem should be addressed by multi-national unions or individual governments. In my opinion, it is better to delegate the responsible of administrating this issue to an international committee than each country. In this essay, this will be proven by using reasons and examples in the following paragraph.
Firstly, it is undeniable that environmental problems such as air pollution or global warming are international concerns and entail the cooperation of all national governments because the named problems affect the life of all world´s population. For example, logging is a widespread problem, conducted in each country and it might be supported by some governments while the detrimental effects of cutting trees influence all creatures in this planet. Thus, it is obvious that solving problems need working together and it should be managed by an international organization.
Secondly, it is agreed that international organizations are more independent and if the burden of solving environment problems responsibility is put on an international group, their legislations and policies would be more compulsory for governments and would incite them to take the related problems to higher level. For an instance, in many cases, the amount of greenhouse gas emission of a country should be restricted by international pressures. Regarding this reason, it is clear that environment problems can be mitigated in near future by putting the responsibility on an international association.
In conclusion, after analyzing the reasons and examples, mentioned above, I agree with the idea that an international committee should hold the position of tackling environment problems. It is expected that this action would be more effective and better than individual governments activities.

[Theieltsguy]

Yass, this is a good effort. You are right to concentrate on only one argument-there is no need here to explain the opposite view.

I have two suggestions for you.

In some cases your sentences become a bit too Long. Writing long sentences in English requires a lot of care, and it is normally easier to use two shorter ones. I have taken your sentence beginning ‘Secondly’ and broken it into two sentences below (with a few changes to the wording as well).

Secondly, it is more likely that international organisations will be able to act independently. If the responsibility for solving environmental problems is placed with an international group,
their legislation and policies will carry authority and governments would be pressured to comply.

You should also avoid using statements like ‘it is undeniable’ or ‘it is agreed’.

I hope this will help. You might like to check my IELTS study website at www.theieltsguy.com

The Ielts Guy