Some people believe that nowadayswe have many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
This was a hard topic for me, so I hope you can provide me with good advice regarding my response.
Answer:
Currently, with the help of technological advancements, it is claimed by some people that more choices are present than what we used to have in the past. What has the world offered us at present compared to the past?
To begin with, if we focus on the employment market, we can find a lot of opportunities that resulted from the expansion in the business fields. In the past, choices could be limited to working in the clothes sector or some basic industrial fields. Nowadays, with the advent of modern technology, it is unsurprising to find that fashion has improved significantly. Furthermore, industry has greatly developed to include electronic devices and gadgets such as televisions, smart phones, tablets and much more. On the educational level, instead of people previously thinking to join a course in accounting, medicine, pharmacy, or engineering, for instance, now we have a higher demand for more qualified individuals to take up jobs with more sophisticated duties. This resulted in the introduction of countless programs at colleges where students get to learn in more depth about the job market and what to be expected from them after they graduate. Additionally, more choices can be seen when individuals do not feel satisfied with their positions and decide to hunt for a job outside the boundaries of their home country. These are just a few instances in which people have the privilege to pick the option that suits them the best.
Nevertheless, other people think that although it might seem that we have a myriad of choices, these are realistic for every person. The availability of more educational courses and job opportunities does not necessarily mean that all these options are readily available for us to pick from. This could be partly attributed to the variations in personal interests. For instance, a person who is attracted to medicine is less likely to even think about the option of being a graphic designer. Therefore, more options could be present nowadays, but these are mainly to cover the interests of every individual in a community rather than giving that individual a variety of confusing options to choose from. In my opinion, this seems to be somewhat true, with the exception that this point of view cannot hold true for every aspect of our life. Food industry, for instance, has improved markedly to offer us unlimited food types to choose from. Choices ranging from organic food to fast food can cater to the needs of every working person on Earth. It is also very likely for any person to consume any of these types. Thus, even though opponents might have a good reasoning, this does not apply in all cases.
In conclusion, claiming that we have endless choices to choose from seems to be a debatable issue as both proponents and opponents have reasonable points of view and both parties have sensible support to back their claim; however, I am more inclined to be on the side of the proponents.
Task 2 writing. Feedback is much appreciated
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dinosaur2007
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Re: Task 2 writing. Feedback is much appreciated
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Thanks for your submission dinosaur2007!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
IN THE PRESENT DAY, with the help of technological advancements, it is claimed by some people .. MANY CLAIM THAT TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS HAVE GIVEN US more choices (delete 'are present') than what we used to have in the past. What has the world offered us at present compared to the past? .. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS WHETHER THIS OR THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE.
B1:
To begin with, if we focus on the employment market, we can find a lot of opportunities that resulted from the expansion OF DIFFERENT business fields. In the past, choices WERE MOSTLY limited to working in the clothes sector or some basic industrial fields. Nowadays HOWEVER, with the advent of modern technology, it is unsurprising IT DOES NOT SURPRISE US WHEN WE HEAR that fashion has improved significantly. Furthermore, industry has BEEN ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH electronic devices and gadgets such as televisions, smart phones, tablets and much more. On the educational level, instead of people (delete 'previously thinking to') ASPIRING TO join a course in accounting, medicine, pharmacy, or engineering, (delete 'for instance'), we NOW have a higher demand for more qualified individuals to take up jobs with more sophisticated duties. This HAS resulted in the introduction of countless programs at colleges where students CAN (delete 'to') learn in more depth about the job market and what IS to be expected from them after they graduate. Additionally, more choices can be seen when individuals do not feel satisfied with their positions and decide to hunt for a job outside the boundaries of their home country. These are just a few instances in which people have the privilege to pick the option that suits them the best .. BEST SUITS THEM.
B2:
Nevertheless, other people think that although it might seem that we NOW have a myriad of choices, these are realistic for every person (cannot understand); the availability of more educational courses and job opportunities does not necessarily mean that all these options are readily available for us to pick from. This could be partly attributed to the variations in personal interests. For instance, a person who is attracted to medicine is less likely to even think about the option of being a graphic designer. Therefore, more options could be present nowadays, but these are mainly to cover the interests of every individual in a community rather than giving that individual a variety of confusing options to choose from. In my opinion, this seems to be somewhat true, with the exception that this point of view DOES hold true for every aspect of our life. THE food industry, for instance, has improved markedly to THE POINT THAT IT NOW offerS us unlimited food types to choose from. THESE choices rangE from organic food to fast food AND can cater to the needs of every working person on Earth. It is also very likely for any person to consume any of these types (CANOT UNDERSTAND). Thus, even though opponents might have a good reasoning, this does not apply in all cases.
CONC:
In conclusion, claiming that we have endless choices to choose from seems to be a debatable issue as both proponents and opponents have reasonable points of view and both parties have sensible support to back their claim
. However, I am more inclined to be on the side of the proponents.
Advice:
1. Talk some more about the 'sophisticated duties' in B1. This is a good idea and should be expanded a little bit.
2. Don't forget to use the present perfect when appropriate ("has resulted" on b1).
3. Don't forget time adverb "now" before main verbs.
4. Be careful to differentiate between auxiliary "do" and modal "can".
5. Great essay! My main piece of advice would be, don't limit yourself to talking mainly about JOB CHANGES. Talk about other changes as well. For example, entertainment, travel, technology, communication ..... (thus a slightly lower TA score).
TA: 7.0
G: 8.0
V: 8.0
CC: 8.0
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission dinosaur2007!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
IN THE PRESENT DAY, with the help of technological advancements, it is claimed by some people .. MANY CLAIM THAT TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS HAVE GIVEN US more choices (delete 'are present') than what we used to have in the past. What has the world offered us at present compared to the past? .. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS WHETHER THIS OR THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE.
B1:
To begin with, if we focus on the employment market, we can find a lot of opportunities that resulted from the expansion OF DIFFERENT business fields. In the past, choices WERE MOSTLY limited to working in the clothes sector or some basic industrial fields. Nowadays HOWEVER, with the advent of modern technology, it is unsurprising IT DOES NOT SURPRISE US WHEN WE HEAR that fashion has improved significantly. Furthermore, industry has BEEN ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH electronic devices and gadgets such as televisions, smart phones, tablets and much more. On the educational level, instead of people (delete 'previously thinking to') ASPIRING TO join a course in accounting, medicine, pharmacy, or engineering, (delete 'for instance'), we NOW have a higher demand for more qualified individuals to take up jobs with more sophisticated duties. This HAS resulted in the introduction of countless programs at colleges where students CAN (delete 'to') learn in more depth about the job market and what IS to be expected from them after they graduate. Additionally, more choices can be seen when individuals do not feel satisfied with their positions and decide to hunt for a job outside the boundaries of their home country. These are just a few instances in which people have the privilege to pick the option that suits them the best .. BEST SUITS THEM.
B2:
Nevertheless, other people think that although it might seem that we NOW have a myriad of choices, these are realistic for every person (cannot understand); the availability of more educational courses and job opportunities does not necessarily mean that all these options are readily available for us to pick from. This could be partly attributed to the variations in personal interests. For instance, a person who is attracted to medicine is less likely to even think about the option of being a graphic designer. Therefore, more options could be present nowadays, but these are mainly to cover the interests of every individual in a community rather than giving that individual a variety of confusing options to choose from. In my opinion, this seems to be somewhat true, with the exception that this point of view DOES hold true for every aspect of our life. THE food industry, for instance, has improved markedly to THE POINT THAT IT NOW offerS us unlimited food types to choose from. THESE choices rangE from organic food to fast food AND can cater to the needs of every working person on Earth. It is also very likely for any person to consume any of these types (CANOT UNDERSTAND). Thus, even though opponents might have a good reasoning, this does not apply in all cases.
CONC:
In conclusion, claiming that we have endless choices to choose from seems to be a debatable issue as both proponents and opponents have reasonable points of view and both parties have sensible support to back their claim
. However, I am more inclined to be on the side of the proponents.Advice:
1. Talk some more about the 'sophisticated duties' in B1. This is a good idea and should be expanded a little bit.
2. Don't forget to use the present perfect when appropriate ("has resulted" on b1).
3. Don't forget time adverb "now" before main verbs.
4. Be careful to differentiate between auxiliary "do" and modal "can".
5. Great essay! My main piece of advice would be, don't limit yourself to talking mainly about JOB CHANGES. Talk about other changes as well. For example, entertainment, travel, technology, communication ..... (thus a slightly lower TA score).
TA: 7.0
G: 8.0
V: 8.0
CC: 8.0
