Task 1: Please evaluate Letter To Friends

[synaptium]

You had an accident. your colleagues sent you gifts and flowers. Writer a letter thanking them for the gesture and tell them about your recovery
250 words


Dear Gang,

I am writing this letter to tell you i got the get-well letters and the presents. It made my day! I miss you guys so much and i wish i was back at work already!

Thank you so much for the gifts. I could never ask for a better band of friends and colleagues. The amount of love you have shown me has been overwhelming and is keeping me going through the lonely days.

I have put on some weight because of all the binge eating and drinking! I am quite big now but i intend on shedding some of this weight when i get better.

Yes, i have finally seen game thrones season two and on to season three. Why didn't i watch this show when the whole world was watching it. It is just amazing! I especially love Khaleesi, the mother of dragons!
When am not watching T.V, I play fortnite on my PC or do some light reading.
I should get more sleep as my doctors said sleeping would help me recover faster.

I am still wearing the initial cast. The doctors will be reviewing me in a months time.

During that appointment, i will get an x-ray done and this would determine if i need another cast or i would need a surgery.

Hopefully, am recovering well and would just be another cast and no surgeries.


Thanks again guys for your love and wishes. I will be back!

Yours sincerely

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission synaptium!! Please see my rewrite below ...

Dear Gang,

I am writing this letter to tell you I (capital 'I') got the get-well letters and the presents YOU SENT AM THEY made my day! I miss you guys so much and I wish I was back at work already!

Thank you so much for the gifts. I could never ask for a better band of friends and colleagues. The amount of love you have shown me has been overwhelming and is keeping me going through the lonely days.

I have ACTUALLY put on some weight because of all the binge eating and drinking! I am quite big now but I DEFINITELY intend on shedding some of this weight when i get better.

And to answer your question, Yes, I have finally seen game thrones season two and AM NOW on to season three. Why didn't I watch this show when the whole world was watching it? (add question mark here) It is just amazing! I especially love Khaleesi, the mother of dragons!
When I'M not watching T.V, I play fortnite on my PC or do some light reading.
I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY get more sleep as my doctors said sleeping WILL help me recover faster.

I am still wearing the initial cast, and the doctors will be reviewing me in a month's (add apostrophe here) time.

During that appointment, I will get an x-ray done and this WILL determine WHETHER I WILL need another cast or surgery.

Hopefully, I'M recovering well and would just be another cast and no surgeries.


Thanks again guys for your love and wishes. I will be back!

Yours sincerely



This is a very natural sounding letter, and might even be a bit TOO natural, even for an informal letter to a friend. Other than that, pretty good!!

Advice:
1. Make sure you use capital "I"
2. It is definitely nice to use adverbs like 'actually' and 'definitely'. They add colour and depth to your letter.
3. Try to choose your modals carefully - Sleeping WILL help you get better, for sure.
4. I think it is OK to use abbreviations like 'I'm', but to delete the subject altogether ('Am recovering well...') is probably pushing your luck just a little bit too far! It feels a little forced when you do it two or three times
5. It feels like there are a lot of paragraphs in this letter. I would probably try to combine some of the single sentences into longer paragraphs, and aim for about three paragraphs in one letter.

Band-score:
TA: 7.0
G: 7.0
V: 7.0
CC: 5.0

[synaptium]

Thanks a lot

[goldcoastielts]

You're welcome.