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Task 1 - please help evaluate and give your valuable feedback

Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2021 1:14 am
by mrbombastic
TOPIC:

You have recently moved to a different house

Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter

1. Explain why you have moved
2. Describe the new house
3. Invite your friend to come and visit.

ANS:

Dear David,

I hope you are doing well. I know I have not been able to call you since the last time we met, and I certainly deserve some punishment for that. I thought of writing this letter to give you an update about the house I recently bought.

As I was tired of paying money towards rent for an asset I will never own, I decided to purchase my own house. Yes, it was indeed a dream come true when I was able to find a small 2 bedroom - 2 bath near downtown that exactly fit my budget.

It is a cute little house in a quiet neighborhood that satisfies all my needs. The house has got this nice balcony where I like to spend time after my work hours. There is a big convenience store just 5 minutes away, so I never really run out of supplies.

Why don't you come to Seattle this Christmas? It has been a long time since we met and my new house has got plenty of room for both of us. We would be able to relive our good old days, and it would be a nice break from work for both of us.

Hope to see you soon.

Warm Regards,
Alex

Re: Task 1 - please help evaluate and give your valuable feedback

Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2021 12:06 am
by goldcoastielts
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Thanks for your submission mrbombastic!! Please see my rewrite below ... :ugeek:

Dear David,

I hope you are doing well. I know I HAVEN'T been able to call you since the last time we met, and I PROBABLY deserve some punishment for that. I thought of writing this letter to (delete "give you an update about the house I recently bought") UPDATE YOU ON SOME NEWS IN MY LIFE.

As I was tired of paying money towards rent for an asset I will never own, I decided to purchase my own house. Yes, it was indeed a dream come true when I was able to find a small 2 bedroom - 2 bath near THE downtown AREA that exactly fit my budget.

It is a cute little house in a quiet neighborhood that satisfies all my needs. The house has got this nice balcony where I like to spend time after (delete "my work hours") I HAVE FINISHED WORK. There is ALSO a big convenience store just 5 minutes away, so I never really run out of supplies.

Why don't you come to Seattle this Christmas? It has been a long time since we met and my new house has got plenty of room for both of us. We would be able to relive THE good old days, and it would be a nice break from work for both of us.

Hope to see you soon.

Warm Regards,
Alex



:ugeek: This is a good solid task 1 letter. Try to kleep the style a bit more informal when writing to a friend! Please check the YouTube link for more info about formality. :ugeek:

Advice:
1. The first half of the letter is a little formal in style, so I changed a few things there. The second half you seem to have started using more informal language which was good.
2. No other problems!

Band-score:
TA: 6.0 (little bit formal in parts)
G: 7.0
V: 7.0
CC: 5.5 (not much linking language)