Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. The benefits of this development are obvious, but what are the drawbacks?
Smart devices have become a necessity in our lives. They come in all shapes and sizes, from tablets to mobile phones, and have managed to bring the world to our fingertips. Their benefits are numerous as they aid us to remain in contact, especially with those out of our reach. They also allow us access to information around the clock. Finally, we can install various applications on them for navigation, games, education, and so on. However, there are many disadvantages to smart devices. They hinder privacy and may cause bodily injuries if not carefully used. These drawbacks shall be highlighted throughout the essay.
First off, smart devices may hinder personal privacy if not correctly managed. For instance, people overuse social media on their smart devices by posting pictures and videos of their everyday life, thinking that they’re active and trending, while they are exposing their lives to the public, thus hindering their own privacy. Also, if these users aren’t careful, they may make themselves susceptible to cyber-attacks when proper security measures aren’t put in place. Another example of smart devices intrusion of privacy, is that we’re expected to be wired to our smart devices all the time so culturally, we’re expected to return calls, answer messages, reply to emails around the clock, even when we’re supposed to be on holidays and weekends. Hence, smart devices may cause harm users privacy and is a drawback that cannot be trifled with.
Secondly, smart devices may cause bodily injuries if not carefully used. Research has shown that overexposure to smart devices may cause neck, back, wrist pains, some of which may become chronic. Overexposure to smart devices may also result in low vision and headaches. Additionally, some uncareful users allow their children and toddlers access to their smart devices. These devices may negatively affect children’s vision may promote laziness. In addition to injuries, unsafe usage of smart devices such as texting and driving results in numerous and sometimes fatal accidents. Thus, attention should be drawn to unsafety and health dangers to users if they’re not carefully using their smart devices.
To conclude, smart devices have been very beneficial to mankind. They may allow us to remain in contact with each other and they bring the world to our fingertips, but they also have major drawbacks such as hindering our privacy and causing us bodily injuries and sometimes fatal accidents. I believe that awareness should be spread regarding safe usage of smart devices, especially at a young age.
Kindly Evaluate This Practice Test (1)
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Re: Kindly Evaluate This Practice Test (1)
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Thanks for your submission omar.rohaiem!! Please see my rewrite below ...
Smart devices have become a necessity in our lives. They come in all shapes and sizes, from tablets to mobile phones, and have managed to bring the world to our fingertips. Their benefits are numerous as they aid us IN REMAINING in contact, especially with those out of our reach. They also allow us access to information around the clock. Finally, we can install various applications on them for navigation, games, education, and so on. However, there are many disadvantages to smart devices. They hinder privacy and may cause bodily injuries if not carefully used. IT IS THESE drawbacks THAT shall be highlighted IN THIS essay.
FIRSTLY, smart devices may hinder personal privacy if not correctly managed. For instance, people overuse social media on their smart devices by posting pictures and videos of their everyday life, thinking that THEY ARE active and trending, while they are exposing their lives to the public, thus hindering their own privacy. Also, if these users aren’t careful, they may make themselves susceptible to cyber-attacks when proper security measures ARE NOT put in place. Another example of HOW smart devices INTRUDE ON OUR privacy, is that WE ARE expected to be wired to our smart devices all the time so culturally, WE ARE expected to return calls, answer messages, AND reply to emails around the clock, even when WE ARE supposed to be on holidays and ENJOYING OUR weekends. Hence, smart devices may cause harm TO users' privacy and THIS IS a drawback that cannot be IGNORED.
Secondly, smart devices may cause bodily injuries if not carefully used. Research has shown that overexposure to smart devices may cause neck, back, AND wrist pains, some of which may become chronic. Overexposure to smart devices may also result in low vision and headaches. Additionally, some CARELESS users allow their children and toddlers TO access their smart devices. These devices may negatively affect children’s vision AND may EVEN promote laziness. In addition to injuries, unsafe usage of smart devices such as texting WHILE driving CAN RESULT in numerous and sometimes fatal accidents. Thus, attention should be drawn to UNSAFE (delete 'and') health dangers FOR users if THEY ARE not carefully using their smart devices.
To conclude, smart devices have been very beneficial FOR mankind. They may allow us to remain in contact with each other and they bring the world to our fingertips, but they also have major drawbacks such as hindering our privacy and causing us bodily injuries and sometimes fatal accidents. I believe that awareness should be spread regarding safe usage of smart devices, especially at a young age.
This is a very mature sounding essay with well developed ideas. Just be mindful of the word count, especially the length of the introduction. Also, there were a lot of LITTLE grammatical errors (CAPITALISED) which would probably stop this essay from getting above 8.0 total.
Advice:
1. Firstly, the essay is far too long, at 414 words. Please try to write between 250-300 words only. Don't forget, examiners have a LOT of essays to mark. The introduction alone is probably over 100 words long. A good rule of thumb is: Intro - 40 words + Bodies - 90 x 2 + Conc - 40 = 260.
2. Instead of actually naming the benefits and drawbacks in the introduction, it might be better to just say there are benefits and drawbacks, and introduce the drawbacks in the two bodies. This will reduce the word count by a lot.
3. "FIRST OFF" sounds a little informal for this kind of essay.
4. Try to completely avoid contractions like 'they're'. This would be better in the general task 1 informal letter only.
5. A couple if times you forgot to add 'and' to present the last item in a list. Don't forget to add this word!
Band-score:
TA: 8.0
G: 7.0
V: 8.0 (Some errors with prefixes, (i.e. 'uncareful', 'unsafety'), conjunctions and prepositions.
CC: 8.0
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission omar.rohaiem!! Please see my rewrite below ...
Smart devices have become a necessity in our lives. They come in all shapes and sizes, from tablets to mobile phones, and have managed to bring the world to our fingertips. Their benefits are numerous as they aid us IN REMAINING in contact, especially with those out of our reach. They also allow us access to information around the clock. Finally, we can install various applications on them for navigation, games, education, and so on. However, there are many disadvantages to smart devices. They hinder privacy and may cause bodily injuries if not carefully used. IT IS THESE drawbacks THAT shall be highlighted IN THIS essay.
FIRSTLY, smart devices may hinder personal privacy if not correctly managed. For instance, people overuse social media on their smart devices by posting pictures and videos of their everyday life, thinking that THEY ARE active and trending, while they are exposing their lives to the public, thus hindering their own privacy. Also, if these users aren’t careful, they may make themselves susceptible to cyber-attacks when proper security measures ARE NOT put in place. Another example of HOW smart devices INTRUDE ON OUR privacy, is that WE ARE expected to be wired to our smart devices all the time so culturally, WE ARE expected to return calls, answer messages, AND reply to emails around the clock, even when WE ARE supposed to be on holidays and ENJOYING OUR weekends. Hence, smart devices may cause harm TO users' privacy and THIS IS a drawback that cannot be IGNORED.
Secondly, smart devices may cause bodily injuries if not carefully used. Research has shown that overexposure to smart devices may cause neck, back, AND wrist pains, some of which may become chronic. Overexposure to smart devices may also result in low vision and headaches. Additionally, some CARELESS users allow their children and toddlers TO access their smart devices. These devices may negatively affect children’s vision AND may EVEN promote laziness. In addition to injuries, unsafe usage of smart devices such as texting WHILE driving CAN RESULT in numerous and sometimes fatal accidents. Thus, attention should be drawn to UNSAFE (delete 'and') health dangers FOR users if THEY ARE not carefully using their smart devices.
To conclude, smart devices have been very beneficial FOR mankind. They may allow us to remain in contact with each other and they bring the world to our fingertips, but they also have major drawbacks such as hindering our privacy and causing us bodily injuries and sometimes fatal accidents. I believe that awareness should be spread regarding safe usage of smart devices, especially at a young age.
This is a very mature sounding essay with well developed ideas. Just be mindful of the word count, especially the length of the introduction. Also, there were a lot of LITTLE grammatical errors (CAPITALISED) which would probably stop this essay from getting above 8.0 total. Advice:
1. Firstly, the essay is far too long, at 414 words. Please try to write between 250-300 words only. Don't forget, examiners have a LOT of essays to mark. The introduction alone is probably over 100 words long. A good rule of thumb is: Intro - 40 words + Bodies - 90 x 2 + Conc - 40 = 260.
2. Instead of actually naming the benefits and drawbacks in the introduction, it might be better to just say there are benefits and drawbacks, and introduce the drawbacks in the two bodies. This will reduce the word count by a lot.
3. "FIRST OFF" sounds a little informal for this kind of essay.
4. Try to completely avoid contractions like 'they're'. This would be better in the general task 1 informal letter only.
5. A couple if times you forgot to add 'and' to present the last item in a list. Don't forget to add this word!
Band-score:
TA: 8.0
G: 7.0
V: 8.0 (Some errors with prefixes, (i.e. 'uncareful', 'unsafety'), conjunctions and prepositions.
CC: 8.0
