Essay Task 2 : Choosing a job

[Guru]

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are many different attributes of a job that motivate a person to choose one. In addition to the remuneration being offered, many people may consider job satisfaction, career growth opportunity and work life balance as other important factors when selecting a workplace.

Job satisfaction plays a key role in determining the workplace preference of an individual. If a person does not feel satisfied with his job then no amount of money is huge enough to drive an individual to work. For example, a highly paid, talented drawing artist selling pieces of art in a museum, may not derive the same amount of job satisfaction as compared to working at a place where he can get to create his own art. It is evident that salary is not a major consideration in selecting a job.

An optimum work life balance is conducive to good health and a quality lifestyle. A job, not matter how highly paying it is, if requires someone to do overtime and spend weekends inundated with work, then it has a high probability of having an adverse impact on his family life and physical well-being. This kind of a lifestyle is hard to sustain over the long run as it accompanies with itself several ill-effects of a lopsided focus on work by neglecting one’s social and personal life. In addition, availability of career growth opportunities can be a primary factor in one’s choice of a job. Lack of career growth can be very crippling for one’s professional progress in life.

In summation, salary is not the most important factor in selecting a job. Aspects like job satisfaction, work life balance and ample opportunities of career growth also play a significant role in making a choice of one’s job.

[traxie2001]

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are many different attributes of a job that motivate a person to choose one. In addition to the remuneration being offered, many people may consider job satisfaction, career growth opportunity , and (the balance between life and work)work life balance as other important factors when selecting a workplace.

Job satisfaction plays a key role in determining the workplace preference of an individual. If a person does not feel satisfied with his job then no amount of money is huge (awkward use of "huge") enough to drive an individual to work. For example, a highly paid, talented drawing artist selling pieces of art in a museum, (omit comma) may not derive the same amount of job satisfaction as (omit "compared to") compared to working at a place where he can get to create his own art. (<-- suggest instead "may not derive the same amount of job satisfaction as he would creating his own art.) It is evident that salary is not a major consideration in selecting a job. (Salary is a major consideration for many people. Is this just your opinion or do you have research to back it up?)

An optimum work life balance (suggested: An optimum balance between work and life) is conducive to good health and a quality lifestyle. (Suggestion: "good health and quality living") A job, notmatter how highly paying it is, if requires requiring someone to do overtime and spend weekends inundated with work, then it has a high probability of having an adverse impact on his family life and physical well-being. (Suggestion: "of adversely impacting his family life and physical well-being) This kind of a lifestyle is hard to sustain over the long run as it accompanies with itself may cause several ill-effects of a including alopsided focus on work by and neglecting one’s social and personal life. In addition, the availability of career growth opportunities can be a primary factor in one’s choice of a job. Lack of career growth can be very crippling for one’s professional progress in life. Why? Maybe some people don't want to have more responsibilities.

In summation, salary is not the most important factor in selecting a job. Aspects like job satisfaction, work life balance and ample opportunities of career growth also play a significant role in making a choice of one’s job.suggestion: in the job selection process

Guru,

You raise some interesting points, but you have not provided enough support for your statements. For instance, salary can be an incredibly important factor for many people when considering prospective employment. You should focus on providing more detailed rationale behind your arguments.

Be careful with your use of "work life balance." This phrase is not correct English without either a hyphen ("work-life balance") or rephrasing ("balance between life and work"). Your point about the need for balance between work and life is well-received, however, some people may wish to focus entirely on their careers and would prefer a job that keeps them busy most of the time. Throughout your essay you need to consider possible alternatives to your arguments and reason through them so that your opinion is clearly stated and easier to defend.

Continue to improve your writing--you're on your way!

Best Wishes,
Julie

[Guru]

Thank you Julie for your valuable feedback. It's good to see your language skills from the eye of a native English speaker.

I always feel that I have a lot of scope for improvement to reach a higher band. One of the aspects is verbosity in some of my sentences which I need to work on.

How many bands would you give this essay?

[vipin]

the following essay is from ielts-simon. have a look and see the way it is structured. will probably help you write better

Many people choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered. Personally, I disagree with the idea that money is the key consideration when deciding on a career, because I believe that other factors are equally important.

On the one hand, I agree that money is necessary in order for people to meet their basic needs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If people chose their jobs based on enjoyment or other non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians, for instance, are known for choosing a career path that they love, but that does not always provide them with enough money to live comfortably and raise a family.

Nevertheless, I believe that other considerations are just as important as what we earn in our jobs. Firstly, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are extremely important when choosing a job. Having a good manager or friendly colleagues, for example, can make a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life. Secondly, many people’s feelings of job satisfaction come from their professional achievements, the skills they learn, and the position they reach, rather than the money they earn. Finally, some people choose a career because they want to help others and contribute something positive to society.

In conclusion, while salaries certainly affect people’s choice of profession, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators.

[Guru]

Vipin,

I took the topic from Simon's site only. I first attempted the essay myself before reading Simon's version. Improving ones' writing is not as easy as reading model answers. If you have any specific suggestions then I'd really appreciate the same. Thank you.