pls kindly help-task 2- supporting local film industry

[rairaichan0323]

People always like foreign films better than the local films, so the government should invest some money in supporting the local movie industry. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present age, it seems that more people love foreign movies rather than local movies. Some people argue that government should allocate some money to support the local film industry. It is agreed that the administration should indeed assist this industry. This argument will be discussed by looking at how this industry can bring economic prosperity to the nation and it also can lower unemployment rate.

First of all, it is an indispensable fact that the film industry can bring undeniable economic prosperity to the society. To take Hong Kong as an example, Hong Kong movies are famous throughout the Asian areas. Every year, movie producers hold a huge films’ exhibition in Hong Kong. It can attract a lot of buyers who are coming from other countries to attend and buy their movies. This makes it clear that it can create wealth to the community. As this example shows that the government should invest money in this industry as it can bring profits to the nation.

Secondly, and even more importantly, the local movie industry can diminish the unemployment rate. This is because they require a large number of workers to make a film. Thus, they can provide a lot of job opportunities to locals. It is obvious from this that in order to reduce the unemployment rate, the government should encourage this industry by providing some financial incentives.

Following this looks at how the local film industry can create vast amounts of wealth in the country and also can cut down the unemployment rate, it is proven that the government should invest some money in it. Also, I believe that it seems highly advisable for the administration to give more resources in this fantastic industry.

[durai]

In the present age, it seems that more people love foreign movies than local. movies repeated in the same sentence which is not good for structure) Some people argue that the government should allocate some money to support the local film industry. It is agreed that the public administration it should be something, be specific should indeed assists this industry. This argument will be discussed by looking at how this industry can bring economic prosperity and decrease the unemployment rate of the nation.

First of all, it is an indispensable fact that the film industry can bring economic benefits to the society. Take Asia as an example, the cinemas are famous throughout the Hong Kong regions where most of the movie producers would hold a huge films’ exhibition every year. This could attract a lot of foreign buyers and tempt them to buy different movies which would add wealth to the community. As this example clearly proves that the government should invest money in this industry as it can bring profits to the nation.

Secondly, no comma, if you extend transition word and even more importantly, the local movie industry could improve the employment rate. This is because movie makers require a large number of workers to make one single film. Therefore, they can provide a lot of job opportunities to the locals. It is obvious that in order to reduce the unemployment rate, the government should encourage film industry by providing some financial incentives.

Following this this is transition word, used as cohesive device, but doesn't suit for concluding paragraph, similar to "In addition" looks at how the local film industry can create vast amounts of wealth in the country, and also can cut down the unemployment rate, it is proven that the government should invest some money in this profitable company. . Let us hope that public sectors provide financial help to this local cinema industries so that the country significantly prosper the world over..
Last two sentences gives similar meaning



Repeated words:

industry 9 ( companies, organisations, agencies, film makers, movie producers, movie makers,
rate 4 ( percentage, level, scale, estimate)
unemployment 4 ( jobless, without work,
movies 4 ( motion pictures, cinemas, theaters, videos, pictures,
film 4 ( screenplay, shows, videotape, recording)
government 4 ( public sectors, society, nation)
local 4

check with thesaurus for synonyms before start writing


Task response is visible and extended , may have tendency to over-generalize. band : 7

CC : flows well but some word choices makes stops the reader to check the meaning. band: 6

GR & A: some minor grammar issues but does not impede communication : band 6

LR: a few repeated words: band : 6


overall, looks band 6 to 6.5 ( I am not sure)

[rairaichan0323]

thank you your comment

[rairaichan0323]

thank you your comment