Hi Please correct this essay and give me the band score
Posted: Sat May 10, 2014 7:02 am
Essay question - Many children today find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school . What could you think are the possible causes ? What are the possible solutions .
The power to concentrate and ability to focus are considered to be the major attributes for the success of an individual. However, in the modern world , many children find it difficult to concentrate and pay attention in the school. This is clearly exhibited by the increase in number of cases of attention deficit disorder among children now a days . Distraction caused by electronic gadgets and improper diet are suggested as the possible causes for lack of attention. Solutions such as parental intervention and nutritious diet will be analysed for viability.
Firstly , it is believed that parental strictness will help children to limit the time they spend watching television and surfing internet . For example in a recent survey in U.S. it has been proved that children who spend less than three hours a day watching television have better focus on their studies and acquire good academic grades . Thus , effectiveness of this suggested solution in improving concentration can be clearly seen.
Secondly , to address the issue of improper diet and routine , children should be encouraged to eat nutritious food and follow routine. For instance , in many health related studies the link between lack of certain vitamins and minerals in body and attention deficit disorder has been established . This makes it obvious that good diet plays an important role in increasing concentration . Thus eating nutritious diet is suggested as a promising solution to the problem.
To conclude , it is felt that restricting the time spent on television, internet and having healthy diet will help children to increase the ability to focus , concentrate and pay attention in schools. It is thus hoped that these solutions are put into place as soon as possible so that children may improve their attentiveness in schools and enhance their learning skills.
The power to concentrate and ability to focus are considered to be the major attributes for the success of an individual. However, in the modern world , many children find it difficult to concentrate and pay attention in the school. This is clearly exhibited by the increase in number of cases of attention deficit disorder among children now a days . Distraction caused by electronic gadgets and improper diet are suggested as the possible causes for lack of attention. Solutions such as parental intervention and nutritious diet will be analysed for viability.
Firstly , it is believed that parental strictness will help children to limit the time they spend watching television and surfing internet . For example in a recent survey in U.S. it has been proved that children who spend less than three hours a day watching television have better focus on their studies and acquire good academic grades . Thus , effectiveness of this suggested solution in improving concentration can be clearly seen.
Secondly , to address the issue of improper diet and routine , children should be encouraged to eat nutritious food and follow routine. For instance , in many health related studies the link between lack of certain vitamins and minerals in body and attention deficit disorder has been established . This makes it obvious that good diet plays an important role in increasing concentration . Thus eating nutritious diet is suggested as a promising solution to the problem.
To conclude , it is felt that restricting the time spent on television, internet and having healthy diet will help children to increase the ability to focus , concentrate and pay attention in schools. It is thus hoped that these solutions are put into place as soon as possible so that children may improve their attentiveness in schools and enhance their learning skills.