HI Ryan, everyone, awaiting for your kind feedback friends!!

[delvydavis]

Hi Shivsai,
Let me post some points I found in this essay. I am not an IELTS master, a student same like you.
1) You have to discuss both views. I saw only one side in both paragraphs.
2) Your second paragraph is unclear. Being a common man, I could not understand anything from that what are you trying to point out there.
3) country(Fans) <<<<< avoid these kind of bracketing in essays.
4) super hero's different fields. <<<<< heroes in different fields
5) Firstly, lets talks about the priority of a problem. <<<< avoid this sentence. Use it like this : Firstly, many economists argue that every country should. (why a comma after many? why capitalization for economists? )
6) which needs some attention too. <<<< rephrase it - which needs more attention

I think, watching this video will help you more : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFn4S3z_WO4

Delvy