I need some advice about my writing !!!

[Kadee]

Children should be engaged in paid work, agree?

‘’A child becomes a person through work’’. As said in the Rich Poor Dad Book, the education of children about value of money is our responsibility in order to guide them in the management of their finance into adulthood. I agree children should be engaged in paid work as it will prepare them on how our society works in making money. By understanding the value of money in their early ages, it allows children to decide freely between a career path and becoming an entrepreneur. Additionally, the learning of how to make money will help them to avoid struggling situation such as overspending. Children should definitely be proactive in the participation of paid work because it will help to achieve their desire through the knowledge of this principle.

Firstly, it may be argued children who possess strong knowledge of making money will be ready to start their life in society on their own way. Most independent adults had experience paid work when they were younger by selling some lemonade in the border of the road in exchange of some cents. Moreover, it helps them to face challenges of life such as a necessity of create a product or service in order to get the bottom line as so many charges to pay off when achieving your goal. Yet, it is this very question of deciding which path you want to take in your life by either working for you or working for someone else.
Secondly, some others people may be believed young people have power to decide their destiny. During childhood, it is only a question of self-development and how to live as good citizen by making a difference between what is right and good in society. Consequently, by understanding the value of money, children tend to become entrepreneur naturally. For instance, most of successful entrepreneurs starting their own business when they were younger. Therefore, they can live of their dreams and passions because they knew how to value their work or talent.
Finally, many people might argued children has to learn to manage their finance. Across their life, it is a good idea to know how to make money but it is crucial to know how to spend your money. In society of consumption, people buy services and products but some of them buy more than they have which is called overspending. In the industrialised countries, many people who borrow loan or mortgages from banks that they can even pay back. Then, they cannot afford their living and struggle all their life as it is cycling situation. Therefore, parents really don’t want this kind of future for their children.
To sum up, children should absolutely be involve in paid work because it will prepare them in their starting life in society by becoming independent and knowing the secret of making money. Then, they can achieve whatever their goal is in just applying this knowledge as successful entrepreneurs do. However, it will be necessary for them to be able to manage what they earn in order to avoid overspending situation which is not in their best interest. Thus, these reasons highlight now who is responsible – parents or government- to put in place this paid work situation for children.

[Flick]

Children should be engaged in paid work, agree?

"A child becomes a person through work." As said in the book, Rich Dad Poor Dad, the education of children about the value of money is our responsibility in order to guide them in the management of their finances into adulthood. I agree that children should be engaged in paid work as it will prepare them on how our society works in making money. By understanding the value of money in their early ages, it allows children to decide freely between a career path and becoming an entrepreneur. Additionally, the learning of how to make money will help them to avoid difficult situations such as overspending. (<-- I like that you used an example here.) Children should definitely be proactive in the participation of paid work because it will help them to achieve their goals and desires through the understanding of this principle.

Firstly, it may be argued that children who possess a strong knowledge of making money will be ready to start their life in society in their own way. Most independent adults had experience paid work when they were younger by selling some lemonade on the border of the road in exchange for a nominal fee. Moreover, it helps them to face challenges of life such as the necessity of creating a product or service in order to succeed in life and achieve goals. Yet, it is this very question of deciding which path you want to take in your life by either working for yourself or working for someone else.
Secondly, some people may believe that young people have the power to decide their destiny. During childhood, it is only a question of self-development and how to live as a good citizen in society. Consequently, by understanding the value of money, children tend to become entrepreneurs naturally. For instance, most successful entrepreneurs started their own business when they were younger. Therefore, they can live of their dreams and passions because they knew how to value their work or talent.
Finally, many people might argue that children have to learn to manage their finance. During their life, it is a good idea to know how to make money but it is crucial to know how to spend your money. In today's society of consumption, people buy services and products, but some of them buy more than they can afford, which is called overspending. In industrialised countries, many people who take outloans or mortgages from banks that they are unable to pay back. Then, they cannot afford their living and struggle all their life as it is a cyclic situation. No parent wants this kind of future for their children.
To sum up, children should absolutely be involve in paid work because it will prepare them for life in society by becoming independent and knowing the secret of making money. Then, they can achieve whatever their goal is just by applying this knowledge as successful entrepreneurs do. However, it will be necessary for them to be able to manage what they earn in order to avoid overspending which is not in their best interest. Thus, these reasons highlight who is responsible – parents or government - to put in place the opportunities for paid work for children.