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Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is true that the improvements in gender equality have encouraged many organisations to recruit a similar number of male and female workers. However, I believe that it is better for a company to adjust its workforce composition according to its business plans.

Admittedly, adopting the policy of employing equal number of men and women indicates that many workplaces place high value on sexual equality. This means that both males and females are granted identical opportunities to pursue their desired positions and careers. Also, there are fewer restrictions to women becoming managers and men taking on roles of performing tasks requiring high patience and precision. With every employee being motivated by such a balanced working setting, a company can expect to promote the rate at which it grows and accumulates profits.

However, there are risks associated with having the same number of male and female workers at a workplace. Firstly, being provided equal opportunities means that males and females would have to compete more intensively with their counterparts to obtain their chosen positions. There are many cases where a female employee finds it difficult to cope with the pressure from her stressful work, ending up being depressed or even quitting her job. In addition, insisting on achieving equilibrium by hiring equal portion of men and women would affect the flexibility of a company when it comes to conducting trade. It would be disastrous for a company to run businesses demanding high labour power if this company did not possess enough male employees.

In conclusion, it seems to me that it would not be feasible for an organisation to operate all types of businesses by taking on equal number of men and women. Therefore, I would propose that utilising an adaptive workforce is best for the development of any company.

If possible, please give me a band mark. I am going to take the IELTS test on 17th May. I appreciate your help.

Cheers,
Carlen

I suggest to have a better introduction paragraph because is too short.
You did manage to give the positive and negative impact on equal number of men and women, but I dont see any solid example of such claims.
On the conclusion, the statement "utilising an adaptive workforce " confuses me if you sided with the positive or negative development..

mhingz wrote:I suggest to have a better introduction paragraph because is too short.
You did manage to give the positive and negative impact on equal number of men and women, but I dont see any solid example of such claims.
On the conclusion, the statement "utilising an adaptive workforce " confuses me if you sided with the positive or negative development..

Hi mhingz,
Thank you for your suggestions. I think a short introduction will bring the most impact to a reader. One sentence which gives a background and one topic sentence illustrating my point of view, in my opinion, can constitute a very succinct introduction, as most model answers in IELTS books did. Below are some sentences taken from IELTS book 9 and 8.

1. A problem of modern society is the declining level of health in the general public population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend. One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more active styles.
2. There is no doubt that traffic and pollution from vehicles have become huge problems, both in cities and on motorways everywhere. Solving these problems is likely to need more than a simple rise in the price of petrol.

I enjoy reading these short yet precise introductions and have tried my best to write in a similar way. In addition, I also noticed that there are not so many "solid examples" in these model essays, instead, they are trying to engage with the reader by simply giving out their arguments. I am not sure whether or not I am approaching IELTS writing in a correct manner.

Speaking of my opinion, I guess it is hard to justify that employing equal number of men and women at workplaces is a negative development, and there are certain drawbacks of such a working setting. Therefore, I took a middle position and propose that an adaptive workforce may be better for a company.

I hope I am making a reasonable argument here.

Hi Yhjsaber,
I guess creating an essay is a subjective thing...as long as you are on the right path of answering the essay question, good vocabulary and grammar, you’ll surely get a decent band score. I used to follow the structure as seen on the IELTS model essay before, but when i saw and studied Ryan’s essay structure, I came to realized that It’s more comfortable for me to create/think and the thought process is more logical.
From your reply, i just realized that it’s a matter of preference (i guess).
I am not a Band 7 in terms of writing but I feel comfortable on Ryan's method and will surely apply this essay structure outside IELTS exam.
As in your case, since your exam is on the 17th, I don’t want to stress anything, I just gave an opinion based on how I write. The only thing that I would suggest though is that if you can, give an actual example like if it happened in some place or you saw/read it from a book. This will clearly give the reader a tangible experience on things you want to say or convey.
Good luck on your exam, and make sure you get enough rest before the exam day coz your concentration level is very important on the examination day.

mhingz

A few things I want to say:
1. some teachers support short introduction( 2 sentences) and some prefer longer. I believe that both are OK.
2. this essay is not convincing to me.
3. I agree with providing some examples.

also, one thing that i found Ryan's essay structure is that its always 250-300 words!
As for the comprehension, i did have to re-read the whole essay for me to completely understand.

Hi mhingz and Allen,

Thank you for your suggestions. I agree that I should make the examples used in my essay more specific. Probably using an example of a construction company would make my point more convincing. However, I am going to stick with my style as I feel very comfortable writing in this way. FYI, I just got an model answer (band 9) for a similar topic, I do think my one shares some similarities with it, provided that I incorporated a real life example in the first paragraph.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In my opinion, men and women should have the same educational opportunities. However, I do not agree with the idea of accepting equal proportions of each gender in every university subject.

Having the same number of men and women on all degree courses is simply unrealistic. Student numbers on any course depend on the applications that the institution receives. If a university decided to fill courses with equal numbers of males and females, it would need enough applicants of each gender. In reality, many courses are more popular with one gender than the other, and it would not be practical to aim for equal proportions. For example, nursing courses tend to attract more female applicants, and it would be difficult to fill these courses if fifty per cent of the places needed to go to males.

Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I also believe that it would be unfair to base admission to university courses on gender. Universities should continue to select the best candidates for each course according to their qualifications. In this way, both men and women have the same opportunities, and applicants know that they will be successful if they work hard to achieve good grades at school. If a female student is the best candidate for a place on a course, it would be wrong to reject her in favour of a male student with lower grades or fewer qualifications.

In conclusion, the selection of university students should be based on merit, and it would be both impractical and unfair to change to a selection procedure based on gender.

thats good to hear with regards to your confidence... it really brings a lot of benefit if you feel that way!

Cheers!

Carlen