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Some people think that students go to college for further education. However, some others claim that students should go to learn the skills such as fixing cars or construction. What is your opinion?
Basic school education is mandatory for all in most part of the world. However, there are no strict forms of education after the completion of high school. Nowadays, some people hold an opinion that students should learn some vocational skills instead of pursuing university education. The arguments against to this make it as a matter of debate. Therefore, a study is necessary to reach in a judicious conclusion.
On the one hand, learning some vocational skills have some advantages. Firstly, students could find a rewarding career after a short period of training. For instance, short courses on automobile engineering are helpful for someone to find revenue by working as an automobile mechanic. Thus, this makes it clear that vocational skills can enable students to earn money and support their families from a very younger age.
On the other hand, higher education is important to achieve highly demanding careers. For example, highly paid managerial level jobs are certainly limited for graduates or post graduates. Therefore, in order to achieve such white collar positions, one should have university level education.
After analyzing the subject, it is evident that both the sides of this issue has its’ own advantages. However, education is something that cannot be provided on others opinion. In fact, it should be carried out with the interests of students themselves. On that reason, I am of the opinion is that the students who are not bright enough in academic education can chose vocational skills, whereas the talented and interested students should opt for higher education.

Basic school education is becoming mandatory for every children in most parts of the world. However, there are no strict forms of education after the completion of high school. Nowadays, some people hold an opinion that students should learn some vocational skills instead of pursuing university education. dont compare education with vocational skills, because some say education is better , others say vocational learning is betterThe arguments against to this make it as a matter of debate. Therefore, a study is necessary to reach in a judicious conclusion.

I understand what you trying to say, but your wordings is bit awkward

sample with your words: Basic school education is becoming mandatory for every children in most parts of the world. However, there are no strict forms of education for students after completion of high school. While some are of the opinion that students should learn vocational skills, others believe that they should proceed for further studies. This essay will analyse both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.

On the one hand, learning some vocational skills have some advantages. Firstly, students could find a rewarding career after a short period of training. For instance, short courses on automobile engineering are helpful for someone to find income by working as an automobile mechanic. Thus, this makes it clear that vocational skills enable students to earn money and support their families from a very younger age. so, argument that children should go vocational training is justified. ( give some concluding sentence towards the thesis of the essay, you need to relate your point with thesis to get essay in a more coherence and task response.)

On the other hand, higher education is important to achieve highly demanding careers. For example, highly paid managerial level jobs are certainly limited for graduates or post graduates. you could do examples with some soecific information, ( For example, in India, many high-paid IT jobs main criteria is a bachelor degree, so graduates would get this job only after university education. Therefore, in order to achieve such white collar positions, one should have university level education. Thus, having college degree is an essential part for high school leavers.

After analyzing the subject, it is evident that both the remove 'the' sides have their own benefits. However, education is something that cannot be provided on others opinion. In fact, it should be carried out with the interests of students themselves. On that reason, I am of the opinion is two verbs " is " and "am", a very basic grammar mistake , if examiners see this they assume you might be a band 5 or less than 6 candidate that the students who are not bright enough in academic education can chose vocational skills, whereas the talented and interested students should opt for higher education.

very reasonable conclusion, but again wordings make bit incoherent

I rephrase After analyzing both sides, they have their own benefits towards student's future. However, education is something that can be achieved only with their own personal interests but not on others compulsion. Therefore, my opinion is that the students who are unable to proceed with academic education could choose vocational course, others can opt for higher education.



your attempt to answer the question is visible, but there is room for development, could be band 6

CC: because of some wrong wordings , there is some loss of coherence, so band 6

LR: errors with wordings- band 5

GR & A: many grammar errors sustained through out the essay; band 5


overall looks band 5.5


keep practicing;
good luck

Durai

hi durai
many thanks for your advise. I'm trying to change those serious errors in my writing. if you have time, could you please go through my newly posted essay( noted as task 2) and suggest me something.
thankfully
robin