Writing Task 1

[AntonS]

Hey guys! Could you tell me please, where are the grammatical and other mistakes and to what should I give more attention to improve my writing?
The figure reveals the information about the amount of the Interner users and who did not use this technology in Australia in 2001 in percentage. The picture consists of ages on horizontal bar and percentage on the vertical bar.
According to the chart, there was not large differences between percentages of 10-30 ages users and non-users of the same age. It was approximately 15-20% of users and about 10-15% for types of people who were not using the Internet, respectively. As can be seen, in ages from 30-40 and 40-50 were more the same citizens who do not use this sort of technology. Thus, number of 30-50 ages people who did not use the Internet in Australia were equal to approximately 40%. Moreover, users in years category of 30-40 were the same as at the people of 20-30 years old, nonetheless, number of users of 40-50 age category was a little higher and equaled to 20 percent. Although, small amount of people who used the Internet was only 10%, number of non-users in these ages in Australia was on the peak of 60%.

By way of conclusion, it should be noticed, that type of peoples of over 50 years orld who prefer to use the Internet is quite smaller, than the same type of humans in young generation.

[AntonS]

Anybody? What should I correct in your opinion and what kind of academic words you think I should use to create the higher quality of essay and to ger 7+ band score for writing?
I appreciate every response.

[Johnson zhang]

By the way of conclusion, ???

[AntonS]

By the way of conclusion, ???

oh, I fix it. It should be "By way of conclusion", I guess.