Topic : As Computer are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the Classrooms.
------------------------------------------------
As we all know that science and technology have an immense effect on education system. Now a days computers are used more and more in education, it seems that there will be no role of teachers in the classroom.
However, pupils are very busy now a days, they are engaged into several activities apart from there routine studies. So, to save time they choose online education and on the same part they can search N number of knowledge through internet. As students want freedom, so this way of study provides them a relaxing and lexical source. But in online education they dont have the option for group studies, discussions and also they are not able to get personal attention of the faculties.
Although computers provide a variety of knowledge enhancing things but on the same part to get a proper guidance from a teacher who has years of experience we need to attend classroom education. We can get practical knowledge and place for discussion with variety of students in a class. Believe me getting practical knowledge has more positive and permanent impact on mind instead of theoretical. Teachers have different ways of explanation, even they can give personal attention on every student.
In my opinion classroom studies are more powerful then online education. No doubt computer education gives us many options to know about the course, but still without any real and true fact it becomes very difficult to understand the concept. Therefore it is very necessary to understand the importance of teachers in classroom.
Please Correct my essay.
Re: Please Correct my essay.
guys please give your valuable feedback on my essay..
Re: Please Correct my essay.
No reply yet. guys plz. give some comment.... thanks.
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Over the decades, science and technology have an immense effect on education system. Nowadays ( one word) computers are used more and more in education, it seems that there will be no role for teachers in the classroom.
However, incorrect cohesive device) Firstly, pupils are very busy nowadays. They are engaged in several activities apart from their routine studies. So, to save time they choose online education and on the same part they can improve their [search N ? number of] knowledge through internet. As students requires freedom, why they need freedom) so this way of study provides them a relaxing and lexical source ? . But in online education they do not (avoid using contractions ) have the option for group studies, discussions and also they are not able to get personal attention of the faculties. Unclear paragraph, you need to show why there won't be role for teachers which is your opinion, you need to give some real life examples to convince reader that there will be no teachers in the classroom; many sentences are unclear, I don't understand what you were trying to say
Although computers provide a variety of knowledge enhancing intellectual power but on the same part to get a proper guidance from a teacher who has years of experience we need to attend classroom education there si no such word " classroom education". We (avoid using personal pronoun)can get practical knowledge and place for discussion with variety of students in a class. Believe me informal tone getting practical knowledge has more positive and permanent impact ? on mind instead of theoretical. Teachers have different ways of explanation, even they can give personal attention on every student. agin you just wrote wahtever flows on to your mind while writing. you need to achieve task response only by analyzing the question, you need to go through question many times until you are sure what has been asked.
In my opinion classroom studies are more powerful than online education. No doubt that the computer education gives us many options to know about the course, but still without any real and true fact it becomes very difficult to understand the concept. Therefore it is very necessary poor word choice to understand the importance of teachers in classroom.
well, you have a lot of areas to improve.
First you need to know how to make sentences which make sense, I mean meaningful for the task.
secondly, you have go through many essays and look how the task is achieved. Very important area.
Once you know how to answer the question, then learn how to make grammatically correct sentences by using simple words, don't go for complex words because in your above essay you have used sophisticated words but 90% of them inaccurate.
once you learned how to answer the question without many grammar errors , then improve your lexical resource by reading many books or sample essays.
Overall, you have a long way to go for band 6.
The above essay would demonstrate band 5 ( I am not an assessor)
Good luck with your studies.
However, incorrect cohesive device) Firstly, pupils are very busy nowadays. They are engaged in several activities apart from their routine studies. So, to save time they choose online education and on the same part they can improve their [search N ? number of] knowledge through internet. As students requires freedom, why they need freedom) so this way of study provides them a relaxing and lexical source ? . But in online education they do not (avoid using contractions ) have the option for group studies, discussions and also they are not able to get personal attention of the faculties. Unclear paragraph, you need to show why there won't be role for teachers which is your opinion, you need to give some real life examples to convince reader that there will be no teachers in the classroom; many sentences are unclear, I don't understand what you were trying to say
Although computers provide a variety of knowledge enhancing intellectual power but on the same part to get a proper guidance from a teacher who has years of experience we need to attend classroom education there si no such word " classroom education". We (avoid using personal pronoun)can get practical knowledge and place for discussion with variety of students in a class. Believe me informal tone getting practical knowledge has more positive and permanent impact ? on mind instead of theoretical. Teachers have different ways of explanation, even they can give personal attention on every student. agin you just wrote wahtever flows on to your mind while writing. you need to achieve task response only by analyzing the question, you need to go through question many times until you are sure what has been asked.
In my opinion classroom studies are more powerful than online education. No doubt that the computer education gives us many options to know about the course, but still without any real and true fact it becomes very difficult to understand the concept. Therefore it is very necessary poor word choice to understand the importance of teachers in classroom.
well, you have a lot of areas to improve.
First you need to know how to make sentences which make sense, I mean meaningful for the task.
secondly, you have go through many essays and look how the task is achieved. Very important area.
Once you know how to answer the question, then learn how to make grammatically correct sentences by using simple words, don't go for complex words because in your above essay you have used sophisticated words but 90% of them inaccurate.
once you learned how to answer the question without many grammar errors , then improve your lexical resource by reading many books or sample essays.
Overall, you have a long way to go for band 6.
The above essay would demonstrate band 5 ( I am not an assessor)
Good luck with your studies.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Here is my essays, if you are interested have a look. I followed Ryan's structure
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1685
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1583
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1685
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1583
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Thanks Durai. It's a big help for me. Even I read your essay, it is very well structured. I will try to focus on those areas. Thanks again.
-
vivianlyl04
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 2:13 am
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Hi durai, I wrote a essay for the same topic as above, Could you please review and give me some advise please?I am taking General Test and i am aiming for 6~6.5. Many many many....Thanks...
With the remarkable development of technology, computer has been playing a significant role in various fields in modern society, such as in education,plenty of education softwares been developed and already run in all kinds of school. Even though some people argue that computer will more important than teachers, I insist that teachers cannot be replaced.
First of all, education not only provides necessary knowledge to students,but also relates to emotional and spiritual essence of humanity. What one computer can do is merely some formulas and texture points mechanically aiming for examination , In this way, I don’t think every student could have a deep impression, On contrast, teachers convey knowledge in vivid language with their own explanation with their experience, also which would be easier accepted by the students.
Secondly, teachers themselves can influence the students’ thoughts and attitudes when they are growing up. It is more likely that some teachers, in their students’ mind, are the model in the period of their life. Students’ can build up some positive conceptions and foster decent qualities that would benefit their lifes, all those could not be gained from computers.
Finally, it’s more effective for all students to learn from teachers rather than from computers. The softwares run in computer are stable, and same to every student, consequently, different students could have not understand the contents at the same time, or parts of them do not accept such teaching methodology completely. However, teachers could take use of different strategies to different students who have trouble in study. Meanwhile, teachers can communicate with others to discuss the studying of different classes and different individuals, to enhance their education quality.
In summary, we should not ignore the effect of teachers on education, nor replace them by computers, which could only act the role as useful resources and teach assistant. It ruble ? can take advantage of computers, the education would be more efficient and profitable.
With the remarkable development of technology, computer has been playing a significant role in various fields in modern society, such as in education,plenty of education softwares been developed and already run in all kinds of school. Even though some people argue that computer will more important than teachers, I insist that teachers cannot be replaced.
First of all, education not only provides necessary knowledge to students,but also relates to emotional and spiritual essence of humanity. What one computer can do is merely some formulas and texture points mechanically aiming for examination , In this way, I don’t think every student could have a deep impression, On contrast, teachers convey knowledge in vivid language with their own explanation with their experience, also which would be easier accepted by the students.
Secondly, teachers themselves can influence the students’ thoughts and attitudes when they are growing up. It is more likely that some teachers, in their students’ mind, are the model in the period of their life. Students’ can build up some positive conceptions and foster decent qualities that would benefit their lifes, all those could not be gained from computers.
Finally, it’s more effective for all students to learn from teachers rather than from computers. The softwares run in computer are stable, and same to every student, consequently, different students could have not understand the contents at the same time, or parts of them do not accept such teaching methodology completely. However, teachers could take use of different strategies to different students who have trouble in study. Meanwhile, teachers can communicate with others to discuss the studying of different classes and different individuals, to enhance their education quality.
In summary, we should not ignore the effect of teachers on education, nor replace them by computers, which could only act the role as useful resources and teach assistant. It ruble ? can take advantage of computers, the education would be more efficient and profitable.
Re: Please Correct my essay.
With the remarkable development of technology, computers have been playing a significant role in various fields , education in particular. Plenty of education softwares have been developed and already in use in many schools. Even though some people argue that computers are more important than teachers, I insist that teachers cannot be replaced.
First of all, education not only provides necessary knowledge to students,but also relates to emotional and spiritual essence of humanity. What one computer can do is merely based on some formulas and texture points mechanically unclearaiming for examination In this way. full stop I don’t think every student could have a deep impression. comma? On contrast, teachers convey knowledge in vivid 'vivid ' unsuitable language with their own explanation with their experience, also which would be easier accepted by the students.
Secondly, teachers themselves can influence the students’ thoughts and attitudes when they are learning different subjects.. It is more likely that some teachers are the role model for students throughout their life.Students’ can build up some positive conceptions and foster decent qualities that would benefit their life whereas computers unable to provide such qualities.
Finally, it is more effective for all students to learn from teachers rather than from computers. The softwares run in computers are stable, and same to every student. Consequently, different students could not understand the contents at the same time, or some of them do not accept such teaching methodology completely. However, teachers could take use of different strategies to different students who have trouble in studying lessons. Meanwhile, teachers can communicate with others to discuss the studying of different classes and different individuals, to enhance their education quality.
In summary, we should not ignore the effect of teachers on education, nor replace them by computers, which could only act the role as useful resources and teach assistant. It ruble ? can take advantage of computers, the education would be more efficient and profitable.
You are bit deviated from the topic. Firstly, you need to address the question correctly in the introduction, then at the body paragraphs give one reason and explain why you think so with examples. Then it gives you full task response.
Also, it seems you repeated same point in different words in 2nd and 4th, looks repetition to me,
I reckon to use only 4 paragraphs in total,
1. intro
2, first supporting para with reason 1
3. second supporting para with reason 2
4. conclusion
the , you can keep your word limit no more than 270 words, otherwise you tend to have more mistakes
If your target is only band 6, then i don't think you a have problem with this.
First of all, education not only provides necessary knowledge to students,but also relates to emotional and spiritual essence of humanity. What one computer can do is merely based on some formulas and texture points mechanically unclearaiming for examination In this way. full stop I don’t think every student could have a deep impression. comma? On contrast, teachers convey knowledge in vivid 'vivid ' unsuitable language with their own explanation with their experience, also which would be easier accepted by the students.
Secondly, teachers themselves can influence the students’ thoughts and attitudes when they are learning different subjects.. It is more likely that some teachers are the role model for students throughout their life.Students’ can build up some positive conceptions and foster decent qualities that would benefit their life whereas computers unable to provide such qualities.
Finally, it is more effective for all students to learn from teachers rather than from computers. The softwares run in computers are stable, and same to every student. Consequently, different students could not understand the contents at the same time, or some of them do not accept such teaching methodology completely. However, teachers could take use of different strategies to different students who have trouble in studying lessons. Meanwhile, teachers can communicate with others to discuss the studying of different classes and different individuals, to enhance their education quality.
In summary, we should not ignore the effect of teachers on education, nor replace them by computers, which could only act the role as useful resources and teach assistant. It ruble ? can take advantage of computers, the education would be more efficient and profitable.
You are bit deviated from the topic. Firstly, you need to address the question correctly in the introduction, then at the body paragraphs give one reason and explain why you think so with examples. Then it gives you full task response.
Also, it seems you repeated same point in different words in 2nd and 4th, looks repetition to me,
I reckon to use only 4 paragraphs in total,
1. intro
2, first supporting para with reason 1
3. second supporting para with reason 2
4. conclusion
the , you can keep your word limit no more than 270 words, otherwise you tend to have more mistakes
If your target is only band 6, then i don't think you a have problem with this.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
-
vivianlyl04
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 2:13 am
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Thanks Durai , it is very helpful. I also think that i repeat some point ...
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Here is the one more topic, kindly check it.
Topic:
Should wealthy nations be required to share there wealth among poor nations by providing such things as food and education ? or it is the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after there citizens themselves ?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Essay:
Today's world has been divided into two main categories one is poor, developing and other is developed nations. The main difference between these two is the amount of money that government apply in the important sectors such as education, health and commerce. Improvement in these three sectors are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations such areas.
Most of African countries live in sub-human conditions because of extreme poverty, lack of education and poor health system. Moreover in few countries the stage is still developing from last many years because of corrupted administration. For example AIDS is the devastating epidemic and its consequences are very dangerous. It cannot be overcome without any international help. It is very essential to prevent its spread among the public. If we talk about trade condition then just because of crazy and corrupted political leaders, we are not improving our nation's education system.
We all are aware of brain drain which eats our country(India) like a termite. There is no harm to work for those countries who provide excellent amount for job in comparison to our country. For every poor or developing nation it is very essential to eradicate corruption and poverty by roots to raise up as developed.
Moreover, countries which are developing in the race and are in need of help, we can plan the strategies like this to earn the foreign currencies. By providing raw materials and agricultural products to rich nations we can get there help. We can educate more and more people of poor nations, so that they can improve their education system at their own. Rich nations can provide them medical facilities specially at the time of natural disasters so that they can easily cope up with the difficult situation.
To sum up, in my view rich nations should help the poor nations. I believe that the country boundaries are created by we people but all over the world on earth, human beings are same. So we should help each other. May be some day the developing nations become a developed country and like this chain starts and getting spread all over the world. Then the day is not far away when we will say the developed world instead of country. It is a good sake for all of us.
Topic:
Should wealthy nations be required to share there wealth among poor nations by providing such things as food and education ? or it is the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after there citizens themselves ?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Essay:
Today's world has been divided into two main categories one is poor, developing and other is developed nations. The main difference between these two is the amount of money that government apply in the important sectors such as education, health and commerce. Improvement in these three sectors are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations such areas.
Most of African countries live in sub-human conditions because of extreme poverty, lack of education and poor health system. Moreover in few countries the stage is still developing from last many years because of corrupted administration. For example AIDS is the devastating epidemic and its consequences are very dangerous. It cannot be overcome without any international help. It is very essential to prevent its spread among the public. If we talk about trade condition then just because of crazy and corrupted political leaders, we are not improving our nation's education system.
We all are aware of brain drain which eats our country(India) like a termite. There is no harm to work for those countries who provide excellent amount for job in comparison to our country. For every poor or developing nation it is very essential to eradicate corruption and poverty by roots to raise up as developed.
Moreover, countries which are developing in the race and are in need of help, we can plan the strategies like this to earn the foreign currencies. By providing raw materials and agricultural products to rich nations we can get there help. We can educate more and more people of poor nations, so that they can improve their education system at their own. Rich nations can provide them medical facilities specially at the time of natural disasters so that they can easily cope up with the difficult situation.
To sum up, in my view rich nations should help the poor nations. I believe that the country boundaries are created by we people but all over the world on earth, human beings are same. So we should help each other. May be some day the developing nations become a developed country and like this chain starts and getting spread all over the world. Then the day is not far away when we will say the developed world instead of country. It is a good sake for all of us.
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Please Correct my Essay.............
Topic :
Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Essay :
Globalization is such a commonly used term in 20th century. It simply means that world has integrated economically, socially, politically and culturally through the advances of science and technology. Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. We need to discuss its both sides accordingly.
To begin with globalization contributed in world's economy in a very positive way. It gives opportunities exchange currencies among varies countries. The advances in science and technology have allowed businesses to easily cross over the traditional boundaries. For example Italian pizza is famous all over the world because of globalization. It shows way to increase the rate of profit in business. On the same part globalization has an positive impact on communication and cultural exchange. We can easily understand what is happening around all over the world. Business process outsourcing ( BPO ) are the latest example of globalization which gives many job opportunities to Asian countries. Indian Jewellery and wedding dresses are exported all over the world due to globalization.
However we should not forgot the negative side of globalization. European countries outsource their work to Asian countries because they get the work done in lower prices so unemployment in Europe increases day by day. Recently Asian countries were suffering from bird flew which is the very dangerous epidemic because of easy means of transportation. As large corporations invest many businesses, a modern firm of colonization will also involved which may pose certain power pressure on local government of the less developed countries.
In conclusion I must say that no doubt we have many positive aspects of globalization but on the very same part we should not ignore the stronger negative effects. So according to me there should be proper balance approach to deal with the financial or economic gains.
Topic :
Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Essay :
Globalization is such a commonly used term in 20th century. It simply means that world has integrated economically, socially, politically and culturally through the advances of science and technology. Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. We need to discuss its both sides accordingly.
To begin with globalization contributed in world's economy in a very positive way. It gives opportunities exchange currencies among varies countries. The advances in science and technology have allowed businesses to easily cross over the traditional boundaries. For example Italian pizza is famous all over the world because of globalization. It shows way to increase the rate of profit in business. On the same part globalization has an positive impact on communication and cultural exchange. We can easily understand what is happening around all over the world. Business process outsourcing ( BPO ) are the latest example of globalization which gives many job opportunities to Asian countries. Indian Jewellery and wedding dresses are exported all over the world due to globalization.
However we should not forgot the negative side of globalization. European countries outsource their work to Asian countries because they get the work done in lower prices so unemployment in Europe increases day by day. Recently Asian countries were suffering from bird flew which is the very dangerous epidemic because of easy means of transportation. As large corporations invest many businesses, a modern firm of colonization will also involved which may pose certain power pressure on local government of the less developed countries.
In conclusion I must say that no doubt we have many positive aspects of globalization but on the very same part we should not ignore the stronger negative effects. So according to me there should be proper balance approach to deal with the financial or economic gains.
Re: Please Correct my essay.
your essay really has an impact on everyone i think you will definitely get more than 7.5 bands
Re: Please Correct my essay.
Please Evaluate my essays.. Thanks
Re: Please Correct my essay.
kindly check it..........