Please review my Task 1 Sample Letter and provide score.

[ieltsachiever]

One of your co-workers is leaving the company. Write a letter to the manager who asked you to organize his/her farewell party and say
- Where will the event take place?
- Suggest a suitable time.
- Describe what food you would serve and what entertainment arrangements you would make.

Dear Mr.Vijay,

I am writing this letter in regard to the farewell party to Madhusudan who is leaving our company in few days..

I have arranged venue at Alankrita Resorts which is 20kms away from city, the reason I have selected this place it is economic and also wonder land. We have railway station very near to this place so that everyone can come. To make it convinent to everyone I am trying to push this event to Saturday rather Sunday so that after a busy day people can relax on Sunday before they come for work on Monday.

I would like to arrange some fun games like Dumshara and Rope pulling, and we have far-reaching swimming pool and other water games which will keep our day busy in enjoying. We have sizeable resturant available which will accomidate lunch for all our team members in one go. I am going to arrange North and South Indian cusines with variety of dishes because most of our members belong to North and South India so they will feel comfartable. Even after lunch we can play some small petty games like playing card or board games depending on their wish to join in. Please let me know if this suits you.

Yours sincerely,
Mano

[durai]

Dear Mr.Vijay,

I am writing this letter in regard to the farewell party to Madhusudan who is leaving our company in a few days.. check meaning for "a few ' and " few" totally opposite meaning, a few- some days left, few- no more days left, so it change the purpose.

you didn't , mention the question completely, when I read , I think you arranged the farewell day, not from your boss's request

I have arranged the party at Alankrita Resorts which is 20kms remove" away' from the city. The reason I have selected this place is it is economic and also has wonder land you mean a theme park?. We have a railway station close to this place so remove "that" everyone can come without hassle . To make it convenient to everyone I am trying to push this event to Saturday rather than Sunday so that after a busy day people can relax on Sunday before they come for work on Monday. last sentence is too big and wordings look bit awkward, because you have used , Sunday, Monday, Saturday, and again Sunday, this is sample of poor sentence structure ; then, you need to suggest the time according to the question,so you need to advise this could be suitable time, but your wordings show different meaning

sample: I am trying to organize on Saturday night because the staffs could have a rest and relax themselves the next day.

I would like to arrange fun games such as Dumshara and Rope pulling, and we have far-reaching swimming pool and other water games which will keep our party enjoying. We have a sizeable restaurant available which will accommodate our staff members for lunch. I am going to arrange North and South Indian cusines with a variety of dishes because most of our employees are from India so they would feel comfortable . Even after lunch we can play some small petty games such as ( 'like' cannot be used for examples), ( you could use" Board games like ludo, chess, carrum board) playing cards or board games depending on their interest .

Please inform if there is any discrepancies about the arrangements I mentioned.

Yours sincerely,
Mano write full name, including surname.



Task response: 6
Coherence and cohesion: 5
Lexical resource: 5
Grammatical range and accuracy: 5
Overall: 5 to 5.5 , ( I am not an assessor)

I try to post my letter for the same topic if possible

[durai]

One of your co-workers is leaving the company. Write a letter to the manager who asked you to organize his/her farewell party and say
- Where will the event take place?
- Suggest a suitable time.
- Describe what food you would serve and what entertainment arrangements you would make.

Dear Mr. Vijay,

I am writing to inform you about the arrangements I have done for our colleague’s farewell party.

As per your request, I have booked a concert hall at Jenny’s Residency because it is very close to our office so everyone could go on time. Also, this is one of the places which has reasonable price that comes in the budget you mentioned.

As everyone is busy on their current project work until next Friday, so I would recommend conducting this event on the same night, the 22nd of August. It would not be a problem for staying up to late night because the hotel closes at midnight, so we will have more time to enjoy the farewell of Mr. Durai.

In relates to dinner, I would prefer to order Italian food because the restaurant in this place is famous for pastas and pizzas with a free Mediterranean salad on the side for every meal. Besides this, there is small recreational centre which houses swimming pools, table tennis and 10 pin bowling, so possibly everyone would enjoy that wonderful night.

Please write to me if there is any discrepancies of the arrangements I have made.

Yours truly,
Kannan Arul