Ryan Please Reply...

[nileshmudgal]

Hi Ryan,

For the Essay question on 17th GT exam in India was :
Some People Says Best Solution to reduce Traffic problem is Build more roads in Cities.

What is your opinion?

I wrote essay is Argument Style by disaggreing the above statemnts and Developed my essay with two other important factors to considered equally important for Traffice and suggested solution as well. I have also wrote it is not possible to widen the roads because of space crunch in metro cities and emphasized more on other soultion like inmproving Public Transport and social awareness about Car Pooling and Imposong Green Taxes on Familieis who ows more car.

Will it be ok to answer this way because when i came out many people said they developed it in Cause and effect way , few did in Advantage and disadavatge way...

I have concluded with recommendation as well.

@ Ryan : Could you please let me know tyour valuable feedback here?at is your opinion?

[Ryan]

Hi nilesmudgal,

I think your approach should be OK. You stated a clear position on the issue and provided evidence to show why building more roads is not the best solution. You also backed this up with an alternative, so I think you've covered your bases as far as Task Achievement is concerned.

I am a little concerned about grammar, though. From what I see, you have a few bad habits that may impact your examiner's ability to fully comprehend your message.

If you're interested, we had a brief conversation about this same question in another thread: http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1663

[nileshmudgal]

Thanks Ryan for such a prompt reply.....

If you are talking about some spelling mistakes in my earlier thread...I am sorry i was in hurry and was tyrping from office computers.

I have followed your startegy for that essay in which i have mentioned Thesis and Two points which i am going to explore in further paragraph.
But in the Paragraph i have not just followed your structure i have added solution to every factor in that particular paragraph. I have also given example and used alternate words in separate topic like For example, For instance ...

Only mistake i did in hurry was I started first Paragraph with To Begin with, and second paragraph i wrote Secondly, I think those are not correlated Cohesive words right?


I have also did Summary and REstatemnt of thesis plus recommendation.
I did Profreading as well, but I wrote a lot i think more that 350 words for which i took separate sheet to write conclusion. I have used many uncommon vocabulary as well.

Let me know your reply.

Thanks
Nilesh