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Topic - Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements . Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people .
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Response -
Young people all over the world are greatly influenced by media and celebrities. These celebrities are popular among younger generations because of their glamorous lifestyles . It is agreed that following celebrities can be dangerous for the youth . This will be proven by looking at how health and personality of young people is affected by following celebrities as their mentors.

First of all, it is seen that following celebrities blindly affects the health of adolescents . Many young people indulge themselves in drugs and start smoking at an early age. For example , in a survey carried out in a university , it was asked to students that why did they start smoking, then around forty percent of individuals answered that they wanted to look like their favorite screen actor while smoking cigarettes. This example makes it clear that imitating celebrities has a negative influence on health of young individuals.

Secondly, it is believed that when youth follows celebrities it affects personality of young people in a bad way. Adolescents follow not only the make up and attire of their favorite stars but also their behavior. For instance recently in a poll conducted by an American magazine it was found that most of the parents and teachers complain that teenagers use derogatory words and abusive language at home and at schools.So, this example makes it obvious that these glamorous celebrities have a poor effect on the conduct of young people.

Thus to conclude , it can be said that when young people follow celebrities ,it affects their health as well as behavior in a negative way. This has an overall effect on personality and future of an individual. Therefore it is recommended that young people should be educated not to follow these celebrities blindly, rather they should focus on their career so that they may hope for a bright future.

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I need your feedback

Young people all over the world are greatly influenced by media and celebrities. These celebrities are popular among young generations because of their wealthy lifestyles . It is agreed that considering celebrities as a role model can be dangerous for children . This will be proven by looking at how health and personality of young people is affected by following celebrities as their mentors.

First of all, it is seen that following celebrities significantly affects the health of adolescents . This means ( linking word, good for coherence) many young people indulge themselves in drugs and start smoking at an early age ,as a result of following celebrity's way of life (tell what is the result of that) . For example , in a survey carried out at Oxford University be specific, which university , students were asked reasons for smoking cigarettes. At the end of the survey, around forty percent of learners answered that they wanted to imitate as their favorite actor.. This example makes it clear that imitating celebrities has a negative influence on the health of young individuals.

Secondly, it is believed that when young people follow celebrities, it affects their personality in a bad way. The tendency of adolescents is not only follows attires of their favorite stars but also their behavior. For instance recently in a poll conducted by an American magazine it was found that most of the parents and teachers complain that teenagers use derogatory words and abusive language at home and at schools you didn't say naything why they doing like that. you need to connect your idea to the central theme , otherwise it becomes assumption, you may lose marks.So, this example makes it obvious that following celebrities life has a poor effect on the conduct of young people.

To conclude , it can be said that when young people follow celebrities ,it affects their health as well as behavior in a negative way. This has an overall effect on personality and future of an individual. Therefore it is recommended that young people should be educated not to follow these celebrities blindly, rather they should focus on their career so that they may hope for a bright future. rewrite thsi senetence, its bit long , try to be more concise and succinct



TR; 7
CC; 7
LR: 6
GR: 6

Overall 6.5 ( I am not an assessor)

Hi Durai

Thanks for your comments. I will improve in my next writing