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Please review my essay

Thanks in advance.
Gustavo
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Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while others argue that aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it and therefore international aid should not be given to poor countries. Discuss these two points of view and give your opinion.

You should write at least 250 words.
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and
support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

With the huge economy and social gap between the developed countries and the poor regions in the world some people think that it is an obligation for rich countries help the poorer, however most of the government administrations in underdeveloped countries are fragile thus other people say that helping these countries by injecting money into their economy it is a waste.

Nowadays some countries already have government programs that provide support to poor regions. As an example the victims of the earthquake in Haiti a few years ago, several countries provided immediately health care, construction support and basic resources. This is an outstanding demonstration how the developed societies concern about the poor and needy communities.

In other hand government corruption in some countries is an obstacle, instead of use the money donations to improve education system, medical care and public resources, these countries leaders misuse this income into private matters or foolish constructions and events, disrespecting all the population necessity, growing more and more the distance between the social classes.

In order to prevent the misuse of donation the best approach is provide services to these communities instead money, in this way the local government will not have the control over the income and it will be spent correctly in the areas determined by the provider. In addition it will also help socially the population by sharing cultural experience with foreign people from developed country.

In conclusion the more developed countries care about the needy the better, however each group of people have a different problem and must be handled particularly, specially the countries which do not have a solid government composition, the actions taken to assist them have to be implemented carefully because the same action, if wrongly used, could be turn in favour to the high society.

Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while others argue that aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it and therefore international aid should not be given to poor countries. Discuss these two points of view and give your opinion.

With the huge economy and social gap between the developed countries and the poor regions in the world some people think that it is an obligation to rich countries helps the poorest the poor, however most the government administration in underdeveloped country are fragile thus other people says that helping these countries injecting money into their economy it a waste.not bad

Nowadays some countries already have government programs that provides support to poor population. We can take as an example the victims of the earthquake in Haiti a few years ago, several countries provided immediately health care, constructions support and basic resources. This is an outstanding demonstration how the developed societies concerns about the poor and needy communities.

In other hand government corruption in some countries is an obstacle, instead of use the money donations to improve education system, medical care and public resources, these countries leaders misuse this income into private matters or foolish constructions and events, disrespecting all the population necessity, growing more and more the distance between the social classes.

In order to prevent the misuse of donation the best approach is provide services to these communities instead money, in this way the local government will not have the control over the income and it will be spent correctly in the areas determined by the provider. In addition it will also help socially the population by sharing cultural experience with foreign people from developed country.

In conclusion the more developed countries cares about the needy the better, however each group of people have a different problem and must be handled particularly, specially the countries which do not have a solid government composition, the actions taken to assist them have to be implemented carefully because the same action, if wrongly used, could be turn in favour to the high society.


I did find mistakes but this is one of those better ones Ive seen. good job

Thank you John!

I'd like to comment on the first two of you paragraphs:
Generally, you spotted too many grammatical errors - almost every sentence.
So I don't think it will get a high score.
Sorry for saying this...

With the huge economy and social gap between the developed countries and the poor regions in the world(I think there should be a comma here) some people think that it is an obligation to(for) rich countries helps (help)the poorest(poorer), however most (of) the government administrations(if you use "are", it should be plural here) in underdeveloped country(->countries) are fragile thus(I don't think that thus can connect two sentences ) other people says (say)that help (helping)these countries(by) injecting money into their economy it (is) a waste.

Nowadays some countries already have a( remove it, because you used "programs") government programs that provides (provide)support to poor population(countries). We can take as an example the victims of the earthquake in Haiti a few years ago(this clause is grammatically wrong -> to take something as an example), several countries provided immediately health care, constructions(contruction) support and basic resources. This is an outstanding demonstration how the developed societies concerns(concern) about the poor and needy communities.

Great catch Allen!
Thank you for reviewing

Another mistake:
immediately health care --> immediate healthcare.

FYI:
As an Ielts student and non-native speaker, it is hard for me to comment on your wording choice but I do know some grammatical rules. That's why I just pointed out your grammatical errors.
For native speakers, they can easily find wrong wording choices.
For example:
construction support and basic resources.

I am not sure if you used proper words.
I would choose to use "immediate support in terms of food, accommodation and medical care ".

Another example:
How developed societies concern about ..

Personally, I would choose "help" but not "concern about".

I understand,
Actually, I really do appreciate any comment of every single person in this forum, we are all here to learn and share our knowledge.
Keep up the awesome job!