Hi! I'm new..Pls give me some feedbacks. Thanks!

[charliedang]

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Answer:

In some developed countries, the average weight of people is increasing. More and more people are taking risk of obesity and diabetes. The major causes which lead to these problems are unhealthy lifestyle and lack of exercise.

As we all know, daily diet plays an important role in one’s healthy lifestyle. However, nowadays, people seem to be attracted by many types of fast food due to their convenience. For instance, instead of cooking at home, young parents, who find themselves tired after a long day at work, usually buy their children fried chicken or pizzas for dinner. And kids usually love fatty food as they think it is tasty. This mainly explains the increase of people weight and other health issues.

Another cause which also makes people gain more weight is laziness for exercise. Office people, instead of going to the gym after work or playing sport on weekends, spend their time drinking in pubs. Children lost their interest in outdoor activities because they are now addicted to video games and watching television. This makes their metabolic rate to drop lower and restricts burning calories inside their bodies.

In my opinion, to solve those problems, governments need to acknowledge the public about the effects of fast food and how to balance their daily diet. Marathons and sport competitions should be held more often for local residents to join and keep themselves fit. Especially, children should be encouraged to play sports and participate in outdoor activities. These solutions would not only improve people fitness but also help to build a strong and healthy generation.

In conclusion, it has never been easy for one to change his or her habit in one day, but as a saying goes ‘if nothing change, nothing change’. Thus, the longer we postpone on our fitness campaign, the more seriously we put our health at risk.

[allen_zhang]

Over all, very good essay!
I'll leave the comments to others because I am not qualified.

[shourien]

Your introduction is weak to some extent. You could have written those 3 sentences as follows to captivate the reader. The first line is a paraphrase of the topic but good enough.
"The rise in weight and obesity is a major public health concern. Obesity is a known risk factor for numerous health problems, including hypertension, diabetes and some forms of cancer. A number of behavioural and environmental factors have contributed to the rise in average weight in industrialised countries, including cheaper prices of fast food and more time being physically inactive."

2nd paragraph gives a gist about increase in fast food and 3rd paragraph about lack of exercise. These 2 paragraphs are written well but there are few sentences that do not fit well such as 'And kids usually love fatty food (as they think)? it is tasty'
"laziness for exercise" could have be better written as "Another cause which also makes people gain more weight is sedentary work life and lack of exercise"

Your opinion could have been more potent if you would have mentioned the "role of government is to enforce strict laws to ensure food companies label their food products to mention the amount of calories and nutritional facts, so that people can make a conscious choice before they consume them."
However your rest of the paragraph is well written about importance of exercise and sports

Conclusion is fairly good however the saying does not fit well 'if nothing change, nothing change' I believe its "Nothing changes if you change nothing.

However there are few grammar mistakes, with regard to tense. But nice essay. I believe you can achieve 6.5 or 7. But, 7.5 would be being very generous.

Hope this helps!