Please evaluate my writing and give a approximate IELTS scor

[SrinivasLakshman]

We are facing too many problems these days.
What are the main causes of this situation? What can be done about it?

The problems which exist in society vary. One of the main problems in each of neighborhood in the cities is noise pollution. It is argued that main causes of this are large number of processions happen by the temple authorities and decrease level of relevance on noise problems of the people. To tackle these issues, decrease in count of processions and television related solutions will be analyzed for viability.
More often than late, we observe that with increase in number of temples, each day Lord of temple will sit in a huge chariot and taken to each neighborhood. With the Lord, large number of people making loud music using various instruments like drums accompanies him. This causes lot of noise disturbance in the society. To reduce this, it is suggested that each temple can make a procession in particular time of the year to reduce the noise effect. For instance, in Bidar, this solution is implemented and residents now no longer complain. Thus the effectiveness of this solution is seen.
However, to address the issue of lack of knowledge, it is suggested that government run infomercials that dramatize the significance of cause and effects of the noise pollution. For instance, in India, most syndicated television channel ran a brief series on “The noise pollution”. These short excerpts have helped millions of people to understand the problems which bring to the society in which live in which now resulted in lesser noise in society. As this shows, infomercials are indeed a powerful tool to help people to understand causes of noise problems.
To conclude, it is felt that in reduction of temple processions and dramatized infomercials could do a lot to the people to cut down unwanted noise in the society. Thus it is hoped that these strategies are put in place which leads reduction of noise and problems associated with it.

[Flick]

We are facing too many problems these days.
What are the main causes of this situation? What can be done about it?

The problems which exist in society vary. One of the main problems in every neighborhood in every city is noise pollution. It is argued that the main causes of this are large number of processions happen by the temple authorities and decrease level of relevance on noise problems of the people. (<-- I don't understand your meaning.) To tackle these issues, a decrease in the number of processions and television related solutions will be analyzed for viability.
More often than not, we observe that with the increase in the number of temples, each day Lord of temple will sit in a huge chariot and taken to each neighborhood. (<-- Do you mean the priest, pastor or preacher of the temple drives around in a car?) With the Lord, large number of people making loud music using various instruments like drums accompanies him. This causes a lot of noise disturbance in the area. To reduce this, it is suggested that each temple can make a procession at a particular time of the year to reduce the noise effect. For instance, in Bidar, this solution is implemented and residents now no longer complain. Thus the effectiveness of this solution is seen.
However, to address the issue of lack of knowledge, it is suggested that government run infomercials that dramatize the significance of the cause and effects of noise pollution. For instance, in India, most syndicated television channels ran a brief series on “The noise pollution”. These short excerpts have helped millions of people to understand the problems which are brought to the neighbourhood in which they live which resulted in less noise in society. As this shows, infomercials are indeed a powerful tool to help people to understand causes of noise problems.
To conclude, it is felt that a reduction of temple processions and dramatized infomercials could do a lot to help people to cut down unwanted noise in society. Thus it is hoped that these strategies are put in place and lead to a reduction of noise and the problems associated with it.