please benchmark my essay with band 9

[saqibali]

In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future.
To what extent do you agree with this view?


The effects of advancement in information technology has always been a hot debated issue since this development drew attention of people. The discussion gets more interesting when world wide web and email communication are discussed in particular. However, it is argued that that advancement in information technology has magical positive effects on our society as well as on our culture, if its usage is controlled in positive direction. Analyzing its effects on our culture and on our communication will prove this point.


The rapid development in field of information technology has changed our culture positively. For example, people use fast communication tools to share their picture and important moments with their friends. As a result, practicing our culture values has become a game of few finger strokes. In addition to this, fast information technology has made it easier to exchange video messages instantly which in turn make it easier for people to enjoy their favorite moments despite their physical absence. As a result, people are most comfortable and closer to their culture traditions. There is no doubt that there are multiple negative uses of this fast communication on our culture but government has successfully developed technology tools to combat those negative uses. Thus the positive effects of rapid advancement of information technology on our culture can be seen.

The latest development in information technology has revolutionized our communication speed and our communication features. For example, World Wide Web takes few seconds to share news and information of one corner of The world to another corner of The world. Mobile phones are equipped with video conferencing features and one business group can have video meeting with any other group in any corner of the world. As a result of this fast communication our business and trade have experienced hundred times advancement. On the other hand, these fast communication features are also being used for terrorists activities but a tight technical control of such activities has been successfully implemented. Thus the positive effects of advancement in information technology on communication speed and easiness can be seen.

After analyzing effects of advancement in information technology on our culture and communication, it is concluded that the effects have magical positive impacts, if controlled positively. Hence it is recommended that government should support positive usage of information technology and combat its negative usage with latest technologies.

[robin20y]

Hi saqib
I think you are a newbie in IELTS. So, I recommend you to go through ryans videos on essay structures. Because, you have included many ideas in a paragraph, which is not correct when essay needs a particular point in each paragraph.
Secondly, this essay is away from topic. The question is on future effects not on present. Therefore, instead of writing current advantages, you should write how these advancements benefit in future.
Finally, you need to develop your grammar.
Dont worry about your writing. Practise more, brain storm a little. You can make it up.
From my point of view this essay would get a maximum of band 5.5
So..all the best

[saqibali]

Can you kindly point my grammar mistakes?
Thanks a lot for help

[saqibali]

Anyone who can
Spot the grammer mistakes?
Challenge my task achievement?
Challenge my Understanding?
Suggest better variety of words and phrases?
Suggest better cohesion?
Suggest better sentences and words?

[saqibali]

In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future.
To what extent do you agree with this view?


The effects of advancement in information technology has always been a hot debated issue since this development drew attention of people. The discussion gets more interesting when world wide web and email communication are discussed in particular. However, it is argued that that advancement in information technology has [Will have ]magical[surprising] positive effects on our society as well as on our culture, if its usage is controlled in positive direction.This part of sentence is unnecessary and off the topic. Analyzing its effects on our culture and on our communication will prove this point.Analyzing positive impacts of IT on our culture and communication will prove this stance.


The rapid positive development in field of information technology Will change has changed our culture positively. For example, people use fast communication tools to share their picture and important moments with their[associates] friends. As a result, practicing our culture values has become a game of few finger strokes [So this way, they celebrate and exchange culture values with few finger strokes...maintain previous tone of sentences]. In addition to this, fast information technology has made it easier to exchange video messages instantly which in turn make it easier for people to enjoy their favorite moments despite their physical absence. As a result, people are most comfortable and closer to their culture traditions. There is no doubt that there are multiple negative uses of this fast communication on our culture but government has successfully developed technology tools to combat those negative uses[out of topic sentence so I will discard this sentence]. Thus the positive effects of rapid advancement of information technology on our culture can be seen.

The latest development in information technology has revolutionized our communication speed and our communication features[Awkward words]. For example, World Wide Web takes few seconds to share news and information of one corner of The world to another corner of The world. Mobile phones are equipped with video conferencing features and one business group can have video meeting with any other group in any corner of the world. As a result of this fast communication our business and trade have experienced hundred times advancement. On the other hand, these fast communication features are also being used for terrorists activities but a tight technical control of such activities has been successfully implemented. Thus the positive effects of advancement in information technology on communication speed and easiness can be seen.

After analyzing effects of advancement in information technology on our culture and communication, it is concluded that the effects have magical positive impacts, if controlled positively. Hence it is recommended that government should support positive usage of information technology and combat its negative usage with latest technologies.